Thursday, July 30, 2015

Walter Palmer Redeemed

SGH back for the two one five.

Thursday, November 13, 2014


You want words, read Frothy's post.  I give you pictures... me like pictures.  Also, Numerology.  Here is the tale of the tape for Saturday's tilt:

Source for awful IQ stats:  Link

The Unimportant Game that Means Everything

Remember when I used to blog here? Those were the days. Ridiculous 100,000 word challenges, a few laughs, a few tears, nipple tassels galore. I miss those days.

First things first, barring a schizoid break or brain tumor that compels me to eschew sleep and do nothing but blog for the next month, that 100k goal will die in agonizing hell fire. It was a run. Anyway, I owe some charity of your choosing $500 bones. I haven't forgotten and won't forget - but we'll settle up at the end of the season.

Second, since it's been a while, let's just agree to never discuss the Illinois game again. It never happened. "What never happened?" you ask. Exactly.

Third, my nuts are sore from a weekend full of flexing. Sweet Sassy that Iowa game was something. FOTB Matt Humbert over at The Daily Gopher posted a terrific piece on what it means in the grand scheme of things, concluding that the game exorcised some old demons and left us basking in the light of hope. We at SGH have always had hope, but its sweet bosom is riper and more succulent that it's felt in a long while. The hope bosom makes everything right.

Crushing Iowa while nuzzled into the hope bosom.
So, here we are at 7-2, about the best all but the most optimistic Gopher fans would have predicted at the start of the season. 7-2 with the Buckeyes coming to town. The Buckeyes who hold a 42 - 7 record against us. The Buckeyes who we've beaten exactly twice since Richard Nixon was in office. We can talk about our historical ineptitude against Michigan. but no one has had our number as consistently and brutally as Ohio State.

Thing is, though, this game isn't really all that important. Our path to the West Division crown doesn't have Ohio State in it. I mean, we play them, so they're technically in our paths, like, literally, but, whatever, we don't need to beat them to win the West. If you told me to choose two games remaining on our schedule I'd like to win, this one wouldn't be on the list. There are ways for us to win the division by not beating both Nebraska and Wisconsin, but they're tricky and outside of our control to some extent. Give me those two games and let the results of this one be damned.

So, yeah, this game is meaningless. Who cares what happens? Get through it unscathed, preferably not giving up triple digits to maintain a modicum of respect and keep the powder dry for the all-important games against the Huskers and the Huns to the East.

But while that may be the pragmatic approach, man, I don't know anyone who looks at it that way. Notwithstanding [REDCATED], things feel really different here now. Maybe it's the sweet, succulent bosom of hope afforded to us by cracking the whupping stick on Iowa. Maybe it's that we have Floyd and the Jug together for the first time in my life. Maybe this is just what every fan of a respectable, competent team feels. But I am really looking forward to this game on Saturday.

It's not that I think we're going to win - it would take a lot to go right for that to happen. I just look forward to seeing if we might win and, more importantly, how we stack up. The B1G isn't rife with spectacular teams this year, but OSU is the best candidate we'll see. This will be a great test for us against the best in the conference.

We'll come in with a lot of confidence. The Bucks just played in their biggest game of the regular season and may be a little off their peak. It'll be cold as hell. It's Year 4. The outcome of this game may not mean much to determining the winner of the Western Division; that will be settled in the next three weeks. But it means everything to us.

Chart Depicting Gopher Rollercoaster Ride


Wednesday, November 5, 2014

The Iowa Defense is Formidable and Stuff

I don't know... I laughed.

This post is a follow-up to my post on Monday about the Hawkeye offense.  Sure, the offense has some neat parts and all, but the defense is what is most impressive about our corn people to the south.

Iowa ranks 18th in the nation in points against. (20.0ppg)  They are coming off of a week where they only allowed 7 to Pat Fitzgerald's Veiny Forehead. 

Here's a list of Iowa's best defensive performances this year:

Granted, our Gophers have given up more points to some of these teams, but I found it notable that they stifle the the suckier teams -- which I suppose makes sense.  Ball State is 2-2 in the MAC, ISU hasn't won a game in conference play and Pitt is 2-3 in the ACC.  Their other three games where they allowed 23, 29 and 38 points were against teams that as of right now (looking at you, IU) are all .500 or better.  And in two of they last three they gave up 29 and 38!

What does it all mean?  I don't know, I'm just trying to spin a scenario where the Gophers should be able to put up some points.

Kill said in the presser this week that Iowa is always a team that gets better during the year.  Lets look at the Hawkeyes by position.

Defensive Line
Drew Ott
The starting defensive ends are Nate Meier and Drew Ott.  Each have a whopping 40 total tackles on the year, but Ott is a pressure-machine.  The 6'4", 270lb junior has 10.5 tackles for loss and 8.0 sacks on the year.  He's had at least one sack in each of the last three contests.  He also has seven hurries and a pretty sweet beard. Fear him.

The defensive tackles are also very good.  Senior Louis Trinca-Pasat is coming off a game where he had three sacks and made Trevor Siemian cry. (unconfirmed)  He is fourth on the team in total tackles and has the most among defensive lineman with an incredible 50.  His 9.5 tackles for loss and 5.5 sacks are both second on the team.  The other tackle is 6'5", 315 senior Carl Davis.  He's a space eater type that occasionally gets into the backfield as well.  Kill refers to the two defensive tackles as "special" and not in the normal Iowa way.


Quinton Alston
The linebackers have been a bit banged up of late, but still are a strong unit featuring the team's leading tackler, senior Quinton Alston.  Last week, Alston moved to WLB as Reggie Spearman was out.  Travis Perry started in the middle.  The Outlaw Josey Jewell has also been banged up, but is normally a starter.  Alston is the gem of this group though, he gets tackles, breaks up passes (4) and gets to the QB (2 sacks, 1 hurry).  Not sure if he's related to Skip 2 My Lou or not though.  In this week's presser Limegrover calls the linebacking group very consistent, but says the front four really picks them.


Kirk Lowdermilk has a son on the Hawkeyes and he's pretty dang good!  Ol' Milky is second on the team with 58 tackles and the other safety, Jordan Lomax is third with 52.  They have 3 interceptions between them.  Desmond King and Greg Mabin are the starting corners.  Travis Perry and Maurice Fleming round out the group.  These guy held Siemian to 68 yards passing last week.  They also held Maryland to under 50% passing and 206 total yards even though they lost that one. Sudfeld and company were abysmal for Indiana as well, throwing for 116 yards and 3 INTs.  As a team they have 10 interceptions and 30 passes broken up. 

Monday, November 3, 2014

Followers for Vodka Samm - Part 2

With apologies to Daniel Keyes.

November 3, 2014

LMFAO! The losers at BHGP went through with their procedure this morning and I have 13,500 Twitter followers now. Check it out! All the more people to hear what a dump minisnooooooooooowDUH is. RAH!

I like having all of these people following me, but I don't know what most of them are saying. It's like they're speaking another language. They must have gone to school at DUH U. LMAO!!

I tried tweeting at Флора Ольховская about how the Goofer players are a bunch of thugs, but she never responded.

When the BHGP guys were talking about their plan, they said something about "Ukranian spam bots" and "thousands of followers for $3.99," but I don't know what any of that means. I'm just happy me and Валентина Науменко can follow Goofer recruits on Twitter and tell them what a dump Minnesota is. ROTFLMAO