F.A.M.I.L.Y.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Z5fH_DQmFY

Sportsball. 

Whether from right or left, RETVRN Twitter or Bluesky elders, it implies lack of seriousness and commitment for those of us who choose not to spend our lives in the studied contemplation of productivity or accelerationist revolution.

There is little point to debating the merits of fanhood. I think most of us who would post on Bluesky or read about it here are aware of the realities of dedicating such time and deriving such enjoyment from watching other people (generally much younger) compete on the field, court, or ice. We are aware of the downstream effects and can reflect on our own contributions good and bad.

Existing within this ambiguous state is called being human. Few things are clear-cut, good and bad can be found just a few layers deep. Taken to the extreme, any hobby or distraction could be classified as an immoral waste of resources depending on the perspective of the objective observer. It is worth exploring these questions and doing the moral calculus individually. But in a broader sense, who is to decide what past-times are beneficial and which are not? The strict alternative might be to seek joy only in toil and work, but few are capable of doing so. Somehow we all seek the spirit of a life well-lived.  

I’ve been reflecting deeply on this for weeks, because I lost a great friend. I will not attempt to eulogize her here; I have neither the competence to do so or right to presume I could ever represent her whole self. Rather, I want to reflect on a hard fact: without sports, she would never have enriched and brought light into my life. Without University of Minnesota football, the University of Minnesota Marching Band would not exist, and barring a miracle our paths would never have crossed.

The loss of our friend has brought a group of people together. Some have remained close over two decades, but many of us have gone 5, 10, or 20 years without sharing time in a meaningful way. We all say it shouldn’t take a loss to do it, but for some that is exactly what it took for the mundane priorities of day to day life to go by the wayside. That’s also a hard reality of adulthood because we all have responsibilities and priorities; it can the opening of a void in our lives to remind us of what really matters.  

We have lamented the missed opportunities, events missed for conflicts long forgotten, texts and voicemails left unanswered, letters unwritten. Yet, in being together we rediscovered the joy we found together in our late teens and early 20s at Bierman, the Metrodome, and house parties in Dinkytown. A gap of decades closed in an instant with the fulfilment of human connection. We cannot get the missed opportunities back, but the memories and opportunities ahead give new life.

The thing is, it’s never too late. NEVER. As we get older, it becomes harder to maintain friendships; that’s reality, and it takes more effort, but boy howdy is it ever worth-it. This year in Section 133 of Huntington Bank Stadium, magic happened. We merged several sections of people whose “primary” groups had shrunk, and whatever disappointment a 7-5 record for Gopher football might have brought for some (not me, but that’s for another time), it was FAR outweighed by new and strengthened, a restored sense of community, and hope for the future. I wouldn’t know any of these people without Gopher sports. I wouldn’t know my wife; we wouldn’t have our son.

Friends, do not defer joy. Our world asks you to do so every day; it asks you to set aside your family and friends for work or worry, it makes implied and direct judgments about how and where you choose to spend your emotional energy. It asks you to spend your hard-won energy in bad-faith arguments with energy vampires instead of blocking them and spending it on people who care about you. It makes value judgements about where you find the small shreds of happiness that bring the light into your life, and complains that you and your friends post about sportsball.

My 25^th year as a Gopher is coming to a close. I’ve never played a second of college athletics…hell I barely played an hour in high school. Doesn’t matter. Here’s the fact: without it, there’s so much I would have missed. I am a more complete human, a better and more productive member of society, because of the experiences I had and the people I met wearing a maroon and gold band uniform in the Metrodome.  I want my friends who read this to know how much I love them and value them. Please do the same at every opportunity. Like Indiana at Purdue, finish the drill. Leave no doubt.

E-mail, text, or call that friend you lost touch with. Doesn’t matter if it’s been decades, doesn’t matter if you think it was your fault. Do it today, and don’t stress about the framing or the context. I’m, at best, halfway through my life’s journey…I do not want to wonder what I missed and I’ve never understood that more viscerally than I do today. Make the time for your family, your friends, yourself (but I repeat myself). Maybe you’ll be as lucky I have been and find out that they’re all the same thing.

I know this is hard, but I’ve got some experience now. So, if you need help on your approach, reach out to me on Bluesky…honestly, I want to help.

Earnestly, and from the bottom of my heart: Forget About Me, I Love You.

Row the Boat, Ski U Mah, Go Gophers