Saturday, August 20, 2011

'Sup. Welcome.

So, this is the post where we talk a little about ourselves and why we’ve decided to write this blog. To hell with that. Here’s what you need to know: we’re a couple of drunks who support Gopher sports. And by that, I mean football and basketball. No disrespect to the other sports, but they occasionally win shit. This site is about needing to find solace in a bottle of bourbon due to the perpetual shortcomings of 18-23 year-old dudes. Is that diseased? Yeah, but there’s no cure for this shit.

Anyway, here’s what you can expect from us until we get bored and go back to the interpr0ns:
  1. Absolutely uninformed takes -  You want the latest news on the Gophers? Go someplace else. This is a blog from a couple of dudes who are absolute zeros with respect to journalistic standards and connections to the program. This is an opinion site and you should take it for what it’s worth. and will keep you up to speed on all the real news.
  2. Differing opinions – I’m the optimist here. TRE is the realist. TRE will give you the same boring shtick week after week while I ride the roller coaster of optimism and despair.  We share unholy love for the Gophers, but our grounding in reality is at opposite ends of the spectrum. Chances are, you fall somewhere in between.
  3. Drunken idiocy – We drink. We post. Expect pics from tailgating extolling our excellence at giant Jenga and cornhole. We are Big Ten tailgaters, after all. Additionally, we sit in the third row of the lower level of the visitor’s section in The Bank and routinely mock and ridicule the opposing team’s mascot. We will share and celebrate this buffoonery, despite the condemnations of Mark Rosen and Dan Barreiro.
  4. Rick Ross – Dude is a big’n, but we love him. He wheezes through every rap in which I’ve heard him, but he’s got a choppa in the car, so he’s beautiful in our minds. TRE insists he could take him in a fight, which is absurd, because ROSS is a former prison guard. You can’t fight a screw, TRE!
  5. Other shit – Remember, we’re drunks, so other random topics will come up from time to time. Food is key, since I need it to live out my dream of having the fire department bust through a wall in my house to haul me out with a forklift after I become fused to my couch. Politics and religion will both be avoided, since both are uber lame. I pray to sweet Christ and President Obama when the Gophers are trying to hold a lead against Iowa with 2.30 left in the 4th; but outside of that, what the fuck is the point of digging deeper? Drink and ignore is our credo.
So, that’s it for introductions.  Hope springs eternal here. Expect lots of happiness if the Gophers win and suicidal tendencies, at least from me, if the Gophers lose. Just remember: it’s a great start to the football season when I’ll need a sobercab to take me to a meaningless football scrimmage tomorrow morning.

Pump  ya fist!


  1. Goddamn, talk about working blue! I guess those old dudes that always walk up to you and ask questions at practices won't be following us.

  2. Also, Rick Ross is like the Black TRE, or I'm the White Ricky Rozay. If we were to fight, we'd punch at the exact same time and our fists would collide and the sonic boom would make windows explode. Afterwards, we would hug and have a drink and watch girls in bikinis dance by his pool.

  3. That's the point: those old fuckers are annoying. They ask me questions now, but sic security on me when I rip on USC fans.