Gophers Position Preview: Linebackers

So, we're all feeling pretty good about the Gopher secondary. Let's move on to linebackers next.

First, a quick rant. I recognize a few things about ESPN's B1G blog: they have to pander to the national programs, such as Ohio State, Nebraska and Michigan, because that's where the eyeballs come from; it's August and they're desperate for content; the $100 it takes to buy a 75-minute flight from Chicago to Minneapolis on occasion would send the world wide leader into a financial death spiral. But I've always thought they were better than Tom Dienhart. Old jaundice tooth Tom, who thought Chris Hawthorne was the dark horse candidate to be the Gophers kicker this year and that the Gophers lacked secondary depth despite the presence of Phantom Antonio Thompson.

I'm less sure of that after Monday's ranking of the B1G teams. Not based on where the Gophers were ranked, which was 10th (that would be the bottom end of where I'd rank them, but it's not beyond the realm of possibility - one could go as high as 5th or 6th, but you'd be huffing lacquer thinner if you bought into that at this point). No, I take umbrage to their blurb justifying the position:

"On paper, the Gophers look several steps behind 

the top teams in the league across the board"

Ok, I get this to a degree. Recruiting rankings do have some correlation with results on the field, so by that measure, we probably are several steps behind. Right or wrong, that's a defensible position. But across the board? We lose three starters on offense and four on defense, is that materially worse than the top teams in the conference? We start upper-classmen at 16 of the 22 non-specialist positions, that can't be horrific, right? I get that the Gophers always need to be stuck with a Sisyphean narrative, but we don't need hyperbolic hyperbole on top of it.

"What's their strength, running the football?"

C'mon, man. How about the 4th best scoring defense in the conference and the 24th best in the country? That has to be a strength, isn't it? I know our passing offense was shit last year and so it's easy to waggle the dong about how running the football was a strength. But the defense was legitimately good last year. And no, that wasn't all Ra'Shede Hageman and Brock Vereen, so find another tack.

"Still, coach Jerry Kill and his staff get the benefit of the 

doubt because of their remarkable progress a year ago."

Come again? What benefit of the doubt are we getting here? Ranking us over Indiana, whose defense is comprised of the chalk on the Memorial Stadium turf? Over effing Buttgers? Or over Illinois and Purdue, who combined for a whopping one conference win last year? They played each other! One of them had to win! Where are we if we don't get the benefit of the doubt, pray tell?

Again, the ranking is fine. But that justification is flaccid. Do better ESPN.

On to the linebackers!

*    *    *

Linebackers always scared me a little bit. Not piss-your-pants frightened, scared; more like, y'all are freak of natures scared. I was an undersized offensive tackle, weight-wise, and was reasonably fast for my size. My feet were okay, but as a tall guy, I always had issues maintaining leverage and getting lower than the shorter defensive players. But here were guys who were my weight, maybe an inch or two shorter and way faster than me. And the good ones had superb leverage. They could get a running start and blow me up on blitzes, which hardly seemed fair. I like to think I gave as good as I got, but I'm lying to myself. The semi-concussions, arms covered in contusions and severe facial tick I have to this day are mostly due to linebackers. Hate you linebackers.

I love the Gophers linebackers this year, though. We've got size, as most of the two deep are at or around 240lbs, height as most are around 6'0 to 6'2" and, incredibly for us, speed. How about that. The big concern, and this will become immediately clear, is depth (also mentioned in my review of the open practices).

We start with De'Vondre Campbell, who is my height (6'5"), my weight (245lbs) and looks absolutely nothing like me. Where I'm fat, slow and balding, Campbell is ripped, fast as a damned deer and has the flowing locks of Predator that are becoming the hallmark of this defense. That is blessed. Campbell was a spot starter last year, but spent most of the season backing up James Manuel at WLB. He accounted for 41 tackles and generally looked pretty competent out there. Since then, he's added about 20lbs of weight and is apparently still fast enough to be an asset in pass coverage. He was a raw talent last year, so there may be some learning curve issues now that he is the full-time starter; but he has athletic ability and size we haven't seen at the linebacker position too often here at Minnesota.

Backing him up are, uh, yeah, there's that depth issue. It wouldn't surprise me (and this won't be the last time I say this) if the linebackers are switched around a little bit in the event one of them is injured. At this point, De'Niro Laster appears to be second team at Will. He's got the size, but as a red-shirt freshman, I'd be a little concerned about tossing him out there on a full-time basis. He looked like a monster in the latter half of this past weekend's scrimmage; but I've been burned too many times by breakout scrimmage performances to lend too much credence to that.

The one thing I do like is that we have two Apostrophe-In-Name Players (AINPs) in the two deep at WLB. Also blessed.

If you can imagine it, the depth at the strongside linebacker position is even more bleak:

Blurgh. Jack Lynn spent much of last year as the nominal backup at MLB, but didn't get much run, as he only played three games. He's big, at 6'3, 238lbs, so he should have enough size to fight off lead blocks to attack the run and, though I didn't pay much attention to at the practices I attended, has enough speed to be capable of guarding a tight end in man-to-man situations. I like Lynn; I just don't know very much about him given limited game experience

Backing him up are Rayfield Dixon and Cedrick Dicke. Dixon is of a little different mold than Lynn, with the same height, but at only 209lbs. He has decent speed and, in my know nothing opinion, is probably versatile enough to move over to the weakside spot should Campbell get hurt. Dixon has looked good in my limited practice observations, showing good reactions in both rush and pass defense and, despite being undersized, has been capable of shedding blocks and making tackles. Dicke was a PWO for the Gophers and we love him for that. 

Another guy worthy of mention, but not listed here, is true freshman Jonathan Celestin. He has looked very solid in camp and received rave reviews from the coaches. I fully expect him to red shirt, but given the depth at all of the linebacker positions, if injuries begin to mount, he may get some run.

TACKLING MACHINE SMASH

Damien Wilson is a monster who gets no love. The guy was majestic last year, with 78 tackles, 5.5 for loss and one sack and has failed to show up on any pre-season all conference lists (correct me if I'm wrong, of course). With the attrition at the Mike position in the B1G following the 2013 season, I would have expected to see a 3rd-team spot somewhere. But, nay, no love for Damien. Such is the life of a Gopher.

I could go on about Wilson, but superlatives begin to fail at a certain point. He was always around the ball, tackled anything that was close and made very few mistakes. Coming in as a JUCO transfer, that's about all you can ask for. There was some question about Kill's staff's ability to recruit and develop linebackers ("question" is relative, of course - in this case I mean relative to their abilities to recruit and put defensive backs and linemen into the NFL, which are largely beyond reproach), but Wilson mitigated that concern to a large extent. I expect him to have a big season and contend for all conference honors.

Backing him up...hey, depth concerns again! Nick Rallis backed up All Walk On American Aaron Hill at Sam last year, but is now the provisional favorite to back up Wilson at MLB. Brother of soon-to-be WWE star (and former Gopher MLB himself) Mike Rallis, Nick is on the shorter side of MLBs at 5'11", but will carry on the Rallis Gopher legacy with pride. Wipson redshirted last year after tearing his ACL as a high school senior, but may get some run on special teams this year. I also wouldn't surprise me to see Laster move to MLB in the event of typhus breaking out at the starting linebacker table.

So, we've got decent to good starters and a whole lot of untested depth behind them. Come to me, Rolaids.

Frothy's Grade

Rubric: Mike Sherels - B-

I would be remiss if I didn't include Mike Sherels as my favorite all-time linebacker at the U, first, because it's legitimately true and second, because he's the new linebackers' coach. I've always admired his passion for the Gophers and it's great that he's been able to hook on with this staff and lead the position he played with such tenacity.

Sherels was a walk on to the football program, but by the time he graduated, he was a two-time captain (the first time a walk on ever held that honor for Minnesota) and led the 2006 squad with 104 tackles. Ski-U-Mah, Mike.

I'm giving this current team a C. I love Wilson and think Campbell will play in the NFL in two years, but there are just so many unknowns with this position. Is Lynn ready to be a full-time starter? Can the crew of red-shirt freshmen capably fill in if a starter goes down? Can we all get on liver transplant lists now or do we have to wait?

(Frothy word count: 1,734; total 100k challenge word count: 8,226)

TRE's Grade

Rubric: Karl Mecklenburg - A

When I thought of Gopher LBs, my first thought was of Mecklenburg.  Not because I remember him playing for the Gophers all that well since I would have been 5; but rather as a member of the Denver Broncos.  There is some significance there because I remember having pride that this beast of a linebacker was one of us.  Mecklenburg led the team in tackles for loss in 81 and 82 and was selected in the last round of the NFL draft and went to be a key member of the great Broncos teams of the 80s.  He played in a gang of Pro Bowls and had a pants load of sacks.  As a pro he was nicked named the “Snow Goose” and the “Albino Rhino”, how incredible is that?   Mecklenburg was also an awesome defender to control in Tecmo Bowl and as wiki puts it, “Mecklenburg's character mirrored his real-life skills, especially his ability to make seemingly impossible interceptions”.  Here’s to hoping that this year’s Gopher LBs can wreak havoc in a similar way.

A lot of the Gophers’ success this season will be determined by the play of their linebackers.  More specifically, the play of the two JUCO transfers playing in their second season with the team.  Damien Wilson, a senior, will be given the chance to build off a solid campaign where he was second on the team in tackles.  I would like to see him make the jump from solid-starter-dude to crushing-impact-player-dude. 

De’Vondre Campbell has apparently gone from Predator-popsicle-stick to a more bulked up full-diesel-Predator.  Articles abound regarding his access to better foods and baller strength and conditioning program helping him get to around 240 pounds.  Campbell, a redshirt junior, will find himself playing more of a full time role with the team in 2014 after backing up James Manual much of last year.  As always, his ability to see in heat signature when necessary is a huge advantage. True story: I bought a jersey t-shirt last year that was #26 and on the back I put TREVONDRE because you can’t use actual player names.  Big fan.

Jack Lynn appears to be the third linebacker that will start, but Nick Rallis is also an option.  Both are redshirt sophomores.  With Lynn (6’3”, 238), the Gophers would have very good size and athleticism across all three spots. 

Depth is a concern here, especially after the Cody Poock ACL tear in the spring.  Redshirt freshman De’Niro Laster has size and a fantastic name, so I’m pulling for him to be in the mix this year.  Rayfield Dixon is another redshirt freshman that could make an impact.  Can you imagine how awesome it would be to have De’Niro and De’Vondre starting together?  Maybe this is something we can hope for with the 2015 De’fense.

Overall TRE'VONDRE grade: B

Gophers Position Review: Defensive Backs

I feel so good about our defensive backs, we should save this for the end. But as Sun Tzu said, show your strength and flex doze nuts.

Defensive backs were always a position I admired. I’m a big guy, strong, like quadriplegic bear. Back in my subpar playing days, I could hit people pretty hard when I used my head as a weapon. But cornerbacks and safeties had a skill set far beyond my capabilities. Here were dudes that were fast, agile and, at least with respect to safeties, could lay the damned wood. Dude who played safety on my college team (another D-III All American – we were a good team) once hit a guy from another school so hard he had a streak of paint from dude’s head on his helmet for the rest of the year. After that, when rolling with the scout team, I always kept an eye open for the safety blitz in the event he was out for freshman scalp. That I’m still here today is a testament to my ability to collapse in a boneless heap whenever I saw him charging at the offensive line.

The Gophers defensive backfield is, today, the best it’s been in 15 years. The 1999 secondary featured two NFL draftees in Willie Middlebrooks and Tyrone Carter [Correction: there were three draftees from the 1999 class - I forgot Michael Lehan like a mope. Sorry Mike! (h/t to Hivemind member dpodoll68)]. We may not get to those levels this year, but if 2013 and depth are any indication, this year’s team is a legitimate challenger.

Cornerback

Eric Murray is emblematic of this staff's ability to recruit defensive backs. He had, according to 247 and Rivals, exactly one offer coming out of high school (us /flex). Viewed primarily as a receiver at the time, he was rated as he 4th best recruit in the state of Wisconsin and the home state wasn't interested. Dude showed up at a Gopher camp as a WR, was played at corner for a bit to test his skills and, voila, we have one of the better corners in the league. Contributing primarily as a special teams player his freshman season, he emerged as a legitimate cover corner as a sophomore. Much depends on him this year, as he will likely get assigned to the oppositions' top receiver. If last year is any indication, he should be more than capable of holding his own.

Jalen Myrick is another example of what Jay Sawvel can do with raw talent in the defensive backfield. Boasting offers from Colorado State, Louisiana Lafayette and Middle-Tennessee (amaze, humid!), he ended up with Minnesota and, wut, is the fastest player on the team. Having seen him in practice, I'll say that his speed is legitimate and we should expect to see him quite a bit on special teams (he did tote the rock for that failed fake punt against Indiana), but also in spot situations at CB, particularly against spread teams.

Not to be forgotten is Marcus Jones who, at long last, is in his last year of Gopher eligibility. An ace in the special teams game, he has dropped off the radar to some extent since moving to corner from receiver last year. His kickoff return against UNLV in the season-opening game will forever endear him in the hearts of Gopher fans and this picture gives me feelings every time I see it.

With regard to his abilities at corner, he's much improved. From what I've seen, he's done a good enough job at interrupting routes and breaking up passes that we should expect to see him regularly in dime packages. Last year, I cringed whenever I saw him in the game. I mean, at the B1G level, he’s undersized and that concerns me. But he legitimately looked good amongst our legitimately good defensive backs, so I’m legitimately excited to see him. Ah, using the same word three times in a sentence is so damned blessed. To corner two!

You are Derrick Wells' prey. He has the Predator gene and you do not. Remember that and you'll live a full life. Forget that and, at best, you won't have time to bleed and, at worst, well, Depends ain't so damned dependable. Wells is a guy who could have departed for the NFL draft last year, but for injury Ebola. He's had some shoulder issues throughout his career that have affected his abilities to contribute. This is, quite literally, his contract year, so we should expect him to bring his best...which, honestly, is pretty damned good. A corner/safety hybrid, he's split time at both throughout his career, suggesting he may be this year's Brock Vereen. Vereen stepped in at CB when Boddy-Calhoun went down with an ACL injury and Wells has similar attributes. A large corner and small safety he's agile enough with his hips to be a decent corner back and just large enough to attack the run as a safety. 

This is great news because it will allow Boddy-Calhoun to get on the field in clear passing situations or against spread teams.  I fully expect BBC to be the 2014 nickel back, but last year he was this teams' best straight-up cover corner. As a JUCO transfer, we only got to see him in two games and he was out for the season with an ACL tear in the NMSU game. Given the myriad offenses we'll see this year, I would expect to see large doses of BBC. Against pass-heavy teams he may be bumped to a starting position as we move Wells over to his hybrid safety/CB position. (We need a name for that position. Derrick Thomas for the 90s-era Kansas City Chiefs played a hybrid linebacker/defensive line position called the ‘Falcon.’ I’m calling Wells’ hybrid position ‘Piston Dick’ until someone comes up with something better.)

Safety

Cedric Thompson is indisputably one of the leaders of this team. I know this because dozens of articles were written following B1G media days about how he asked to be a captain and how he, along with Mitch Leidner, made the team better through the offseason. Since I’m usually too lazy to match my socks, I appreciate what Ced brings to the table. It turns out that he’s also a pretty good football player. He led the Gophers in tackles last year, which is no small feat when you’ve got DAMIEN WILSON TACKLING MACHINE in front of you. Thompson has greatly benefitted from the Gophers’ strength and conditioning program, building him into the type of safety that will give defensive coordinators the sort of dyspepsia usually reserved for Gopher fans. Strong, fast and smart, I’m sure the lack of pre-season attention from the media and award services will take a chip off of his shoulder useful in bludgeoning opposing players.

His backups are Grayson Levine and Daletavious (DALE-tay-vee-iss, I guess) McGhee. Levine has been a significant special teams contributor throughout his Gopher career and got quite a few snaps at safety last year. Also, his dad’s name is Gino, which is pretty badass. A lifetime member of the All World Name Team Daletavious red shirted last year. Word on the street is that he is a goddamned whooping stick in practice, so it will be fun to watch him this year, mostly on special teams, I suspect.

The other safety position is shaping up to be one of the better camp competitions, even though it’s not been widely covered. Damarius Travis has been getting first-team reps thus far and appears to have the inside track to starting in the opener. At 6’2” and 210lbs, he’s a big kid and looks jacked. He’s another guy that makes you appreciate the hell out of Sawvel. Offered by powerhouse programs like FIU and Western Michigan, Travis has blossomed into the paragon of a B1G safety. That’s all strength, conditioning and a fantastic coaching and development program. Trust the coaches, y’all.

How can we be sure Travis is as good as all that? Well, the fact that he’s displaced Antonio Johnson, the team’s fourth leading tackler in 2013 is a decent indication. Johnson is a solid contributor throughout the regular season, but is a shining beacon of hope and truth in bowl games. He got his first start as a true freshman against Texas Tech in the Texas Muffler Bowl and casually flexed with six tackles and a PBU. He followed that up last year in the [REDACTED] with eight tackles, a forced fumble and half a sack. Dude has been a player. And he’s not starting.

Frothy’s Grade

Rubric: Tyrone Carter – A+

Probably my favorite Gopher of all time, Carter was an undersized safety who was the leader of the 1999 Gophers defense that was likely the best in several generations. A two-time All American, he was awarded the Jim Thorpe award for the best defensive back in college football in 1999. Plus this:

I’m staking my entire reputation here and giving the current defensive backs an A. This is undoubtedly the strength of this team with talent and experience throughout the two deep. Of course, much is dependent on the rest of the defense, particularly the line, holding up their end of things. But this will be the best Gopher secondary in 15 years and, frankly, has the potential to exceed that great unit from 1999.

(Frothy word count: 1,538; total 100k challenge word count: 6,492)

TRE’s Grade

[Note: Due to technical difficulties, TRE was forced to submit his grading via voice file. The following is a transcription of that file.]

Rubric: Brock Vereen – B+

Is this real? Is this real life.

I’m thinking my guy is going to be Brock Vereen. I know he just graduated last year, but he is what we want most off these defensive backs to be. He’s smart, he’s consistent, he’s strong; he crushed it in the combine, in the weight room, I like him. It sounds like he’s going to be starting for the Bears, so, that’s amazing. It’s fucking amazing.

I would give the overall Gopher secondary, as a general rule for this year, I’m going to give them a B+ as well, just considering the whole group, the depth and how awesome I think they’re going to be. Briean mother-effing Boddy is back from an ACL and I thought he was going to be a stud last year. Watching him in practice, he was crushing mother effers. And, Wells had the shoulder injury, he’s back. Eric Murray is good. Effing Ced is back. We’re loaded at defensive back. Are you kidding me?

Gophers Position Review: Punters and Kickers!

We at Still Got Hope are always trying to bring you the freshest, most relevant Gophers content on the Web. Since we just decided to fire this thing back up last week, we've noted a few other content providers have begun their position previews. By and large, they've opted to start with summarizing the so-called "skill positions." Well, we'll get to them, but we're ready to break new ground! And with that, we give you our preview of the most important players on the team, punters and kickers.

First, an anecdote. I played football in high school (I was pretty good) and one year of college at the Division III level (I was beyond terrible - I was a scout team offensive tackle weighing all of about 210 pounds with extremely limited talent; there was a D-III All American outside linebacker/defensive end on the team who was about my weight and was a goddamned cyborg. He wore a face shield that was basically a mirror - whenever he lined up opposite me, I could see the fear in my own eyes. I have PTSD over it to this day). In high school, our special teams guys weren't specialists; they were position players who showed some ability to kick the ball. In college, though, kicking and punting was all these guys did. They'd show up to practice about midway through, joke around on the sidelines while I was pulverized into a red mist by dudes that were BIGGERSTRONGERFASTER than me, kick the ball a little during special teams drills, then head off to the showers. It's a good gig if you can get it. I'll go to the grave cursing my parents for not sending me to punting camp when I was eight years old.

As for the Gophers, I have good news and bad news. First the good.

Punters

Peter Mortell was something of a godsend last year. In the 2011 season, Minnesota ranked 11th in the B1G in net yards per punt at 34.2 off a gross average of 36.6 yards per punt (worst in the B1G by a yard and a half). In 2012, we ranked last in the conference in net punting, despite a modicum of improvement with a 37.9/34.4 gross/net, respectively For a team as offensively challenged as we were over those two years, you can't afford to have bottom of the conference punting statistics.

Last year was a breakthrough, and Mortell was the catalyst. The Gophers added a full five yards to the gross punting average and improved three yards in net punting over the previous season, good enough for 8th in the conference. In terms of gross punting, Mortell was tied for second in the conference; not too shabby for a red-shirt sophomore in his first live game experience.

Also, he's a Twitter god.

One thing to keep an eye on this year is punt defense. As indicated above, the gross punt average improved significantly more than the net punt average, suggesting a breakdown in coverage. In fact, the Gophers gave up an average of 4.4 yards per return, worst in the conference by 1.5 yards. He was, quite literally, out kicking his coverage. The Gophers need to to take better advantage of Mortell's strong gross average by limiting opponent returns. How's that for analysis?

After Mortell, I genuinely have no idea. In the event he goes down, senior Christian Eldred (AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE) is his likely backup. The principal punter in the 2012 season, he averaged 38.1 gross yards per punt.  I don't have a lot of interest in going back to that. Also on the roster is true freshman Logan McElfresh. Fortunately, punters rarely get hurt, so Mortell will be our homeboy all season, right?

And now the bad news.

Kickers

Huzzah! We return approximately zero kicking attempts from last year. Chris Hawthorne graduated and took with him some fairly reliable spot kicking statistics from the 2013 season. Hawthorne converted 14 of 18 field goal attempts last year and 36 of 39 extra points. While hardly All American, those are acceptable stats given the propensity for college kickers to go all #CollegeKickers on us.

So, what do we have going into this year? Ryan Santoso, who seems to have the inside track for the starting position, is a kicker in an offensive tackle's body. At 6'6" and 240lbs (see, his parents were smart and sent their giant child to kicker's camp while I was left being ground to dust; I wish you loved me more, Mom and Dad) he has a massive leg and will be a touch back machine on kickoffs. The biggest question is his accuracy. Reports out of fall camp suggest he's equally likely to make a 50-yard field goal and a 35-yard field goal; it'll never be short, but may have some, uh, directional challenges. While that certainly has some upside, I like my kickers to be a little more consistent from short yardage. Enter Andrew Harte, also a red-shirt freshman. He doesn't quite have the Janikowski Hammer of Santoso, but seems to be a mite more accurate from within 35 yards.

Again, this is all based on fairly observations from the media and public practices, so take it for what it's worth. I suspect we'll see some kicker bukkake action, where Santoso and Harte share the duties, with the former handling kickoffs and field goals over 42 yards and the latter taking extra points and everything inside the opponent's 25 yard line.

All of that said, having no experienced kicker on the team is concerning. The Gophers were a fairly efficient team in the red zone last year, scoring on 33 of 37 (89%) red zone trips, good for 19th in the country. Of those, 25 were touchdowns (67.5%) and the remaining eight were field goals (21.62%). If they can continue the high TD rate in the red zone, it will take substantial pressure off of the kicker.

Frothy's Grade

We're going to do something a little different here and use our favorite Gopher player by position category and grade the current group against them. It might not make any sense, but we run our own blog so we can go Peak Idiot if we want to.

Rhys Lloyd - B+

I'm going full cheat mode and rolling with a dude who was both the placekicker and punter for the Gophers. As an expat Briton, he'd be my favorite former specialist anyway; but choosing him also allows me to use this:

Rhys was consistent, if not spectacular, at both duties and earns a solid B+ from me. Yes there may be some grade inflation in play from beating the Badgers. It is my noble right.

I'm giving the current squad of specialists a B-. Mortell has the potential to be All B1G this year, but there is too much uncertainty around the placekicker to go much higher than that. If we're not as consistent in the red zone as we were last season, the outcome of many games may come down to a red-shirt freshman. I'll be drinking with the rest of you to numb that pain.

(Frothy word count: 1,183; total 100k challenge word count: 4,954)

TRE's Grade

Nothing gets me more revved up than blogging about kickers and punters.  Also, what about the rest of the specials Swanzilla?  ARE THEY NOTHING TO YOU?

Here are my favorite kicker and punter past and their grades:

Dan Nystrom, PK 99-02  Grade: A

Preston Gruening, P 00-02 Grade: B

This dynamic duo played together for most of their careers and have some pretty awesome highlights to show for it.

Nystrom once made 5 field goals in a game.  Since 2000 he is 11th amongst B1G kickers in field goals made.  What's that you say?  Nystrom played in 1999 as well?  Well, I'm too lazy to look back that extra year and sports-reference refuses to let me query that far back; but let's just assume it puts him first.  According to the internet, today he's kicking ass at Colonial Life

Preston Gruening made Playboy's All-America team and if you search the web you will find a hilarious photo of Preston and teammates in some weird Mad Max type costumes.  Preston is also my facebook friend thanks to my prior Where Are They Now According to Google piece on him a few years back.  He's somewhere in Wisconsin living the dream I think.  I have no word on whether he gets into townie bar fights due to his Gopher stardom or not.

Gopher Specials for 2014 Grade: B

Having a brand new kicker can be a scary scary thing and Hawthorne was pretty respectable.  I was worried the name SANTOSO might mean "inconsistent" in Spanish or whatever so I went to google once again and was rewarded with the following (I bolded the important stuff):

What Does Name "Santoso" Mean

You are spiritually intense and can sting or charm. Your name brings love and new starts into life and attracts money. In business, you are the creator and promoter of original ideas and usually enjoy considerable financial success. You are bold, independent, inquisitive and interested in research. You know what you want and why you want it. Dependable, very down-to-earth and well grounded, you are always looking for meaningful work, a career where you can take pride in your work and do the best job you are capable of. Your prime desire is to build protected and secure environment at home and at work. You can be very persuasive in achieving GOALS and gaining objectives. You can be very detailed and well-organized and possess great organizational skills. At times you may appear too stubborn and overly critical to others, but your practical approach to life and productivity makes you one of the most beneficent members of community.

 BOOM.  All-American.

Swan covered Mortell already...guy is nails.  Please don't die, buddy.

If you're just looking at K and P, I tend to agree with the Swan B- grade, but I'm kicking it up a notch due to the return game and Marcus Motherflippin' Jones!  He averaged 24.9 on kick returns and had a 99 yard TD against UNLV.  He also housed a punt for a TD against NMSU. Looks like Berkeley Edwards, KJ Maye and Antonio "Thompson" Johnson may get some run here too.

100k Words on Gopher Football: The Open Practices

I apologize in advance if this violates some social media policy and all future practices are closed to the public. Really, I'm sorry.

So, I went to the three Gopher public practices. Despite the injustice of it all, I'm not a media member so am left to attend the practices open to the great unwashed. I liked it better when there were two weeks of open practices and you could bring a picnic lunch and play Frisbee with your dog. But the team wasn't very good then, so I guess I'll sacrifice some accessibility if it means having a generally competitive team.

Again, I don't want to be the guy who gets public practices shut down once and for all, so I'm going to use a lot of generalities. The last thing we need is some knob like me spouting off about how Player X missed a block and we're doomed and, BANG, Kill shuts the door to the public, cancels my season tickets and demands I be strung up from the scoreboard. I know much of what I'll yammer about here has been covered by real writers at massive media companies and I shouldn't worry; but public access is a privilege a lot of coaches don't allow, so I don't want to be the one that ruins it. 

And with those sweet, blessed 100 words of qualification out of the way, let's crack open my melon for some impressions.

Strengths

• You know, I was pretty impressed with Mitch Leidner. I came into the practices expecting some incremental improvement over last year in terms of making throws and managing the offense, but he pretty handily exceeded where I thought he'd be. Coming out of high school, he had the reputation for being a pass-first quarterback (from the extraordinarily limited accounts I've heard, he really wasn't a strong runner at all in high school). We didn't get to see that much last year as he was thrown into the offense as a red-shirt freshmen and forced to learn on the go. He became a decent runner through concerted effort, though I suppose having 300-pound defensive tackles chasing me around would give me a little giddy-up too. In the bowl game (of which we shall never speak again) we saw a little bit of the ol' gunslinger come out and, in my opinion, he's continued that trajectory over the summer. He's clearly got a better handle on his progressions and has been hitting the short and intermediate passes much more consistently than he did last season. His deep ball is majestic, which bodes well for the play action we're sure to run by the bucket full this year. He'll make some mistakes but I feel the best I have about our starting quarterback since, uh, maybe Adam Weber.

• The freshmen class is robust. Seriously, there are some big, athletic dudes who would have started for this program four years ago. Fortunately, we're now in a place where we can afford to sit most of them for their first year. The ones who were most impressive are those you've likely seen in the media and other blogs: Melvin Holland at wide receiver looks like a junior already and seems to have a solid grasp of the offense; Steven Richardson is a little shorter than I was expecting and many multiples stronger and more explosive than I could have imagined; Connor Mayes, the guy who started at center in the Army All-American game, has thoroughly impressed; Jerry Gibson and Gaelin Elmore are freakishly athletic, big and, for now, adding to our stable of TEs/H-backs. I'm a rube with absolutely no inside information into the program, but I'd expect at least three of those five to get some playing time this year (Mayes probably won't, and that's no knock on him; it's usually best to give offensive linemen at least a year in a strength and condition program and, frankly, we have decent depth at the line right now). Kill held his own against some fairly decent major conference teams when he was at Northern Illinois with recruits he could get to Northern Illinois. My position has always been to see how many guys he could get to Minnesota that he couldn't have gotten to Northern. All other things being equal, that would be a way to gauge the incremental talent (and, inferring a little, incremental results) one could expect from Kill at Minnesota. While we saw several in previous classes, there a probably a dozen such guys in this class. That bodes well.

• Defensively, we're in good shape. Prior to last year, I aged six months for every Gophers defensive series since 1999. And while we may not have a Tyrone Carter in our starting eleven, we have the front-to-back talent to keep us from stroking out when we punt the ball away. The secondary is fast and, amazingly, deep. There is solid depth at all four positions in the defensive backfield, which should allow Claeys to get creative in aligning personnel to suit an opponent's relative strengths and weaknesses. Campbell, Wilson and Lynn, the provisional starters at linebacker, are all at or around 240lbs, which, Jo'bu willing, means we will continue to improve against power running teams. And I've been impressed with the ability of the line to eat up blocks. The first-team line and linebackers put on a master class of defending the run against the first-team offense, stopping them cold on three Roderick Williams runs from the one-yard line on Wednesday. Particularly impressive there was Campbell, who flew into contact to break up a play

"Opportunities"

• After the first two practices, I was pretty worried about our offensive line. They didn't seem terribly consistent and, whatever the reason, just weren't clicking. That fear was mitigated by today's practice where, by and large, they did a good job run blocking and were serviceable in pass protection. I list this as an "opportunity" because the season really depends on them. They demonstrated the ability to generate a push to run the ball last year, even in the absence of a passing game. They'll need to do that again. Additionally, given our quarterback situation (more on that in a minute) keeping Leidner upright and healthy is critical. There are a lot of starts on this line and, seemingly, some decent talent behind them. Success this year hinges on finding the group of guys who gel and perform more like today's practice and less like Monday and Tuesday's.

• If there were a GIF to express my feelings on our quarterback depth, it would be a rat chewing its way through my eye. It's just...man. At this point, it looks like QB2 is a battle between Chris Streveler and Connor Rhoda. Streveler is big, fast and athletic, Rhoda is your typical college pocket passer, meaning he's mobile enough, but you won't mistake him for Marqueis Gray. They both have the potential to be decent quarterbacks, I think; but they're just red-shirt freshmen. We're in this unfortunate cycle at the moment, where our starting and back up quarterbacks have been sophomores and freshmen, respectively. That makes it difficult to maintain any consistency should the starter go down. I'd give Streveler the inside track to be the back up and expect he'll get some run to spell Leidner for a series or two a game; but, given his limitations in passing the ball at this point, it would not surprise me to see a heavy dose of read option when he is under center.

• Depth. This isn't really an "opportunity" as much as it is a reality. We do not have the luxury of the Alabamas and Ohio States of the college football world, where there are two four-star reserves waiting to go in the game should the starter get hurt. From what I saw from our starting players on offense and defense over three days, the Gophers should be able to keep it competitive in all of their games this year. In the event of injury, though, particularly at quarterback, defensive line and linebacker, we're pulling up the true and red-shirt freshmen as substitutes. Look no further than the 2013 Northwestern Wildcats to see how that turns out. We need to be fortunate with injuries this year to be successful. And while the same is true for every team, our margin is thinner than most.

My questions going in to Saturday's scrimmage

I'm sure it will be vanilla. I'm sure we won't see Cobb or Maxx for more than a series or two. But we should be able to figure out a few things based on this Saturday's scrimmage:

• Does Streveler maintain his apparent advantage in the competition to back-up Leidner or does Rhoda close the gap?
• Ryan Santoso, my 6'6" 240lb kicker spirit animal, seemed to be our day-one starter going into fall camp. Is he consistent enough at the scrimmage to secure that spot or does he leave the door open for Alex Harte?
• Which freshmen will make the case to have their red-shirt pulled?
• Will we see a defensive lineman emerge to compliment Theiren Cockran's pass rush?

I'm looking forward to Saturday, as it will be the last look we see of the team until kickoff on August 28th. If you see Coach Kill stringing me up to the scoreboard during pre-game warm ups, you can be pretty sure that I've ruined public practices for everyone.

Ending Word Count: 3,771

Lesson Not Learned

A man's brain contains a limited number of ideas; mine less than most I think.  Yet, here we are again breathing putrid life into this blog.  We don't do this for free of course.  According to Ad Sense I have a cool $9.55 sitting there just waiting for me spend on two or three 40 oz bottles of malt liquor.

As we look ahead to highly detailed opinion and analysis of our beloved Gophers, maybe it's time to remind you who we are and what we're about and maybe set some expectations.

Have you seen the movie Tremors?  If not, you should.  It's this kick-ass horror movie involving giant underground worms that burst through the ground and consume people.  It starred Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward.  It had Reba McEntire in it too!  IMDB gives it a 7.2 and it is a joyous ride.

Years later they released Tremors 2: Aftershocks.  Kevin Bacon was gone.  Reba too was gone.  Fred Ward remained, but it simply wasn't as good.  Still giant worms under the ground bursting forth and eating people, but the best ideas were already used in the first film.  It got a 5.9 rating and made an estimated $4 million where Tremors made over $60 million.  Are your expectations set now?  Good.

Here's a reminder of who we are.  Foremost, we hate Wisconsin.  Our 2011 Why We Hate series still stands (less a few internet images) today.  Pt 1, Pt 2, Pt 3.

More recently, we've given you (via the Twitters: @TREtanic and @FrothyGopher) more Wisconsin guerilla attacks:

Yeah, I just threw those on the floor. pic.twitter.com/8CusDLlKCz
— TreAndre (@TREtanic) August 28, 2013

During https://t.co/xxZGUOHGkV
— Chris Swanson (@FrothyGopher) November 23, 2013

Sure, it's childish buffoonery, but that's all we have at this point.  Oh, and hope I guess.

100k Words on Gopher Football: On Last Year

This is part of a series to attempt to write 100,000 words on Gopher football from the start of fall camp (I changed the rules - it was to begin a week before the first game, but I need all the time I can get) through the week after the conclusion of the regular season. In the event I fail, I will donate $500 to a charity chosen by my Twitter followers (nothing related to Wisconsin or Iowa athletics).

Starting word count: 940

Well, now that we got through that bit of bile, let's tack toward something more positive, yes?

I quit Twitter last year. This was the 17th consecutive Gopher football season in which that happened. It was after the Iowa game and I was fed up. We were 4-0 going into that contest and confidence was high. Notwithstanding a couple of typical early-season missteps, our defense was stout and we had begun to establish an offensive identity around the run, with some opportunistic passing sprinkled in. Despite being thoroughly beaten by Iowa in 2012, largely due to an inability to cope with their power running sets (and that god-forsaken flea flicker), this was a home game and all signs pointed to having made adjustments to the defensive personnel to better rein in Mark Weisman and company.

Well, that didn't happen. For the first time since fifty-five doughnut, I left early. I texted my wife and asked her to come and get me shortly before halftime and was on the road before the third quarter started. I raged the whole way home about how this dastardly team would always get my hopes up, only to curb stomp me in the worst possible way; how I had spent the last several decades supporting the program with no discernible benefit; that I was exhausted with my annual participation in an unrequited love. That was it, I said. I'm done.

I was a petulant little shit, something I'm not proud of now. But at the time, I meant it. I was ready to cancel my 247 and Rivals subscriptions and was prepared to skip the remaining games. My yard needed some work and I had nothing left to give to the Gopher football program. I started re-prioritizing my life, moving my beloved college team down the list of things I cared about. I was ready to move on.

That lasted until the following Saturday morning, when we learned Jerry Kill had a seizure and would miss the Michigan game.

*    *    *

There are basically three camps regarding Kill's epilepsy. The first camp maintains that the results on the field are all that matters, Kill's staff and the players are fine with his condition, so why should it matter to the fans and media? This group generally believes that Coach's condition has no bearing on the team and can get a little cantankerous when it's brought up by the media or other fans. 

The second camp's position is one of concern for both Kill and the program. With respect to Kill, they worry he is putting his health at risk by continuing coaching. As regards the program, they wonder if it's possible for a coach to lead a team when he may miss game days. 

The third camp, and I recognize I'm building a straw man here, are agenda-driven trolls looking for talkers. They suggest a seizure will adversely affect the fan experience, that the state of Minnesota pays Kill too much to miss games, or cite studies, either debunked or taken out of context, that indicate Coach is endangering his life by continuing to lead the team.

I'm firmly in the first camp, though I sympathize with those in the second. On the surface, it seems like a really complicated situation. Most of us haven't known or been around someone with epilepsy and it can be scary to watch someone have a seizure. It's easy to get the impression their life is in danger, so I understand the concerns raised by this camp, even if they are misguided. Concerning the risk to the program by having a coach miss game days, yes, game days are important; but the 353 non-game days of the year are important too. I'd rather have a coach who runs a hell of a program and misses an occasional game than a coach who can't lead his team out of a paper bag, but is faithfully there every Saturday. Again, I get the concern and don't hold anything against them for being worried or raising the issue, I just think it misses the point.

The third camp, though, hoo boy. They were loud and proud in the week after the Michigan game. Takes on takes on takes. If you've forgotten, this is the paragon of camp three. No person with a base level of empathy or common sense would say "No one who buys a ticket to TCF Bank Stadium should be rewarded with the sight of a middle-aged man writhing on the ground." Agenda-driven pap.

I didn't get back onto Twitter and re-engage with the team to fight against this camp, I came back because I realized I was being a bit of a pratt. I did, though, along with several other Gopher road dogs, spend a lot of time arguing with media members and ostensible fans who were questioning Kill's ability to continue as a coach. It wasn't so much the question in itself, it was the manner in which it was raised, the tone used and the lack of nuance. Raging against them was a bonding experience with other Gopher fans that I hope won't be required in the future.

*    *    *

I couldn't breathe and was being twisted into positions not conducive to continued life. Still, I couldn't have been happier. The Gophers were 8-2 after beating Penn State for their 4th consecutive Big Ten victory. JD Mill from The Daily Gopher had me in a Bloodsport-styled bear hug while we jumped up and down in the St. Paul tailgate lot, but I was coming off a good buzz and we still had an outside shot at the B1G championship game, so I was happy to die at that very moment. Never mind the failure to score an offensive touchdown for the next eight quarters or the wet fart of a bowl game performance; the program had begun the process of exorcising its demons. 

Forty years of losing to Nebraska, four conference victories in a row, fans believing in what was possible again. I talked about the swagger of that 2003 team in the last post. This team didn't have it, but for the first time in a decade, you could catch a glimpse out of the corner of your eye. It was fleeting, a mere shadow, but it was there. When the opposing team threw a pass, you looked and saw tight coverage instead of a wide open receiver. When Wisconsin ran inside zone, they didn't do it 26 times in a row at six yards a pop; our defense forced them to be a little more creative. Even offensively, there were signs of change. David Cobb passing the 100-yard mark against the vaunted Michigan State defense suggested that, with barely a semblance of a passing game, the line and backs were capable of producing.

Sometimes all we Gopher fans have is hope. Hope that we'll find a diamond-in-the-rough recruit who becomes an All American. Hope that progress we see in one year portends a better future. Hope that Jerry Kill and his long-tenured staff will bring an end to 60 years of hurt. Last year didn't end the way we all wanted it to, but for the first time in a long while, we saw the potential. The mauling of Nebraska (Nebraska!) in the trenches, the gritty, breathless wins over Northwestern and Indiana, the destruction of the Governor's Victory Bell. Last year wasn't the year, but we saw enough to think maybe, just maybe, this will be the year.

Ending word count: 2,196

100k Words on Gopher Football: On Pain and Catharsis

This is the first post in an attempt to write 100,000 words on Gopher football from the start of fall camp (I changed the rules - it was to begin a week before the first game, but I need all the time I can get) through the week after the conclusion of the regular season. In the event I fail, I will donate $500 to a charity chosen by my Twitter followers (nothing related to Wisconsin or Iowa athletics).

Starting word count: 0

A lady's best-kept secret is her age, so let's just say I was in my 20s.

A buddy of mine and I cut out of work shortly after lunch and began the ritualistic pre-game imbibing at a bar run by an old Russian family. It was dingy - the decor was a sad testament to design themes from 1977 - and we were the only patrons, but the beer was cheap and we weren't making much money; any beer was good beer back then. We discussed the plan: when TRE arrived, we'd make the drive from St. Paul to downtown Minneapolis, find a tailgate spot in one of the lots by the Metrodome and set to spending roughly three hours shotgunning beers and enjoying a beautiful fall evening before heading into the game. TRE showed up after a few rounds and we got going.

The drive to Minneapolis was something I'm not sure I'll ever forget. My friend had recently purchased a new Mustang GT and upgraded to the Bose premium sound system. For most of the trip, we had the bass maxed and the 'U Don't Know' remix from Jay Z's Blueprint 2 on perpetual repeat. Crystallized in my memory are three white douchebags, speeding along I-94 with the windows down, blaring our hip-hop anthem and turning our nervous energy into rage. Ah, the precious moments of youth.

We arrived at the tailgate lot and everything went to plan. We drank - copiously - the band played the Rouser, Goldy spun his head. The experience was complete. About 20 minutes before kickoff, we walked into the Dome to a cresting wave of sound. The excitement was palpable, the crowd filled with anticipation. It was our time. We were ready.

And so began the evening of October 10, 2003.

*    *    *

Enough has been said about that game, so I'll spare you the details. Suffice it to say "It just speaks to the human spirit" is not something you ever want to hear come from the coach of an opposing team when addressing the performance of his players. 

I bring this game up because, eleven years later, it still haunts me. It was the one time in my life when this program stood on the cusp of relative greatness. There were fleeting moments both before and after: Lou Holtz breathing fresh life into a moribund program, Tim Brewster's 7-1 start in 2008, making us believe, improbably, that we might win again. But these were ephemera. Holtz was gone to the Domers amidst improprieties with the program, Brewster vanished, leaving Gopher football a smoldering ash heap.

That evening in October was different. It was real, tangible. There was a swagger to the program that no Gopher fan under 40 had experienced. Sure, we hadn't beaten anyone of consequence in the build up to that game, but we were 6-0, ranked #17 and had MBIII and Lawrence Maroney, a two-headed bukkake of pain and yards after contact. We hadn't beaten Michigan since 1986, but by the midpoint of the third quarter, that was to end. Michigan was floundering, the rout was on.

The end of that quarter marked a sea change for the program. As my road dog Jeffrick at The Daily Gopher wonderfully articulated last month, it was the beginning of the end of the Glen Mason era. While October 10th was not the proximate cause for his dismissal, it was most definitely a contributing factor. Neither he nor his team were the same. There were high points to follow, surely, with the 2003 win against Wisconsin and nominal revenge against Michigan in 2005; but somehow, in a nebulous way I can't express, the program seemed...damaged. A loss of vitality, the sheen of health, choose your own metaphor. The swagger of that October evening was gone and hasn't since returned.

*    *    *

I'm a fan of ironic hyperbole for dramatic effect. I find it can convey sentiments in an amusing manner, while retaining some measure of nuanced context, at least to the discerning reader. I don't believe it to be hyperbole to suggest much of the Gopher football fan existence is oriented around pain. (NOTE: Not real pain, like war and cancer - I'm talking about sports-related pain, a much different and kinder animal.) There's a psychic damage done to us over the years of ignominious failure or victory snatched from the jaws of defeat. There's an additive nature to it; it builds like a sooty film with each unfortunate event, year after year.

The purpose of this experiment in blogging 100k words is to see whether that damage is irreparable. For good or bad, I care deeply about this team. Each season, I buy part and parcel into the belief that this could be the year, a battle between my emotional and rational selves. This season is no exception. I am as positive about the fortune of the Gophers as I have been since 2003. This may not be the year, but we will see progress, such that next year might be the year. The name of the blog is Still Got Hope, because TRE and I do and, most likely, always will. It springs eternal, even if it's all we have.

I want to use this as a diary, of sorts, to see if writing of the ups and downs of the season will serve as a governor for the highs and a catharsis for the lows. Can one undo the damage on one's psyche through the written word? Can the team regain the swagger of October 10th, 2003? We'll find out over the next 99,060 words.

Ending word count: 940

Doubling Down on Highly Questionable Decisions

Two years is a long time. Long enough to bear 2.85 children, if a couple was hell-bent on breeding an army of rapacious parasites to conquer the oil fields of Bartertown, North Dakota. Long enough to serve a prison sentence for your second dope slanging offense, but you were innocent and could have proved it if your stupid lawyer had just put you on the stand like you wanted. Long enough for seven cycles of P90X and to prep for your consequent knee replacement surgeries.

Yes, it's been two years since the last post on Still Got Hope. I'd like to think we've all gotten a little wiser. Friends have become enemies, enemies have become friends. We still share a love for all things Gopher and will spit in the Devil's eye on the Last Day when he shows up wearing Wisconsin gear. So let's give this blog another try.

The rebirth of SGH is really the second of several highly questionable decisions I've made over the last week. First, was beginning to use my real name on the Twitter. I actually thought about quitting Twitter last month, but it turns out I'm better at quitting quitting than I am just quitting, so here we are. I figured if I was coming back, I was coming back in the full, resplendent glory of my birth name. If I get fired from my job for online shenanigans, well, I can always use the warm fuzzies of our more intimate digital friendship to pay my mortgage and feed my dog, right?

There are two more absurd decisions that are slated for the coming weeks. The first is some sort of SGH podcast/video session where TRE and I will pontificate on all things Gopher, discuss smoked meat and rap about more smoked meat if the Gophers lose, because those three-win seasons are still too close to my soul to talk about a bad season when there is sweet, blessed meat about which we can wax.

The last, most idiotic decision, is 100,000 Words of Gopher Football. I'm going to commit to writing 100k words between the week before the season starts and the week after the regular season ends. I've done a lot of research and I've discovered that's a lot of words. I'm allowing myself the luxury of using any and all tropes, allegories and anecdotes to meet my quota so, while it will all be about Gopher football, it may take some circuitous routes to get there. Oh, and if I don't do it, I'll donate $500 to one (1) charity chosen by my Twitter fam (qualifier: nothing related to Wisconsin or Iwoa athletics).

So, there we are. A series of highly, highly dubious decisions farted out for you all to enjoy. If TRE's and my follow through is anything like in the past, we'll all look back on this in two years, laughing at SGH's failure as I get out of jail for meth production, $500 poorer.

Glenn Frey was on Arsenio

Hard hitting "journalism" like this can also be seen on http://www.downwithgoldy.com/

Holy shit, was that a panther?  "The van beckons like no other van before."  So we're to believe there are guys out there that think that this van ROCKS harder than others?  If I'm going to buy a van I'm going to get one of those pseudo SUV-Vans like my brother bought.

Bourbon recommendation: Black Maple Hill Bourbon (14 year)

Tastes Like Freedom and Happiness

I received a bottle of this for Father's day in 2011 and also one for my birthday last May.  This is quality stuff...very smooth and can get you drunk.  Bourbonenthusiast.com says it has is "ribboned with sweet corn, charred oak, grainy spice and wood resin."  Wait a minute, wood resin?  Apparently taster guy tasted glue and LOVED it.  Weird.  Anyway, it's good and you should try it.

Hey did you know playing NBA basketball is just like Spiderman 3?  I did.  I knew because they show these commercials in the finals of dudes scoring baskets and then digitized spider man is swinging on his little webs through downtown. 

By the way there are 5 minutes left in game 4 here and if you haven't been watching this series, you're missing a good one.  It's anyone's game at this point and the Heat have a 2-1 lead in the series.  Lebron is 1 rebound away from a triple double and is dealing with cramping issues.

If you're thinking about being a Heat fan, something to consider is whether or not you like the song "The Heat is On".  You know the song.  You'll have to like it.  In fact, in big games you should probably be ready to sing along word for word...at least during home games.  Here's Arsenio introducing him:

The Heat take a close one to go up 3-1 in the finals.  Hopefully OKC have another game up their sleeves to add a little more excitement to this one.


A&E has a new show called "Barter Kings".  We may have jumped the auction, pawn shop, picker shark here.

You're probably wondering to yourself "where's TRE's stupid Twins preview?".  I mean, I posted all of the other teams in the AL Central in a relatively timely manner, but nothing for the beloved home 9?

Well, it hurts too much to post you, you guys.  So much so that I'm completely ignoring it for now.  Here are my thoughts on the Twins:  Vegas had the over/under at about 73/74 wins and that's not far off.  They have no starting pitching. None.  Me, R.A. Dickey's Uncle and 3 middle schoolers could do this.  It's an embarrassment and sadly it's one that everyone should see coming.  Trading Liriano when he was worth half a crap was priority #1 during the Bill Smith era and he pooped it away.

Pujols just made another out again, btw. Now he's getting booed by the Angel's "faithful".  Ok, so the guy may have done some roids, but he's going to be fine.  He's always been able to hit no matter how much NOXPLODE he's had in his system.  He's pressing.  It happens.  He'll be awesome at the end of the year.  Count on it.

For those that tailgated for the Gopher spring football game, I salute you.  Man, I've been coming to the TCF spring game for year(s) and year and I've never seen it so packed with fans.  It was a beautiful thing.  I don't know how much I can say about the game because the enemy (WISCONSIN) may be watching, but my general take-aways are as follows:

- Coach Kill's position changes seem to be spot on.  A certain giant QB is now a TE and certain safety is now a LB for two.  These guys appear to know personnel I think.  And I'm a borderline expert on this shit.

- The beloved new frosh QB that has apparently taken the lead from the beloved old (ginger) frosh QB was outplayed by the old frosh (ginger) by a great deal.  That's not to say this wasn't a singular event. 

- There were several players including and especially James Manual that were MUCH bigger than before.  These guys deserve a lot of props and the strength and conditioning peeps deserve props as well.  I don't know their names...look them up.

- If you own a 2006 Chevy Silverado, there is pretty much no way to open a beer bottle with it.  Swan and I found a spot on the inside of our doors that would actually cleave the top right off of the bottle.  I thought it was sweet, but Swan worried about the amount of glass we were ingesting.  Probably valid.

- Props to a certain lucky potential WOMAN OF THE YEAR.  Pretty sure you cured a disease or something.  You know who you are.

AL Central Pre? View: Cleveland Indians

By this point in the season, you may already be done with baseball if you're a Twins fan.  My forthcoming preview which may have filled you with hope and excitement will now be like second floor refuse dumped on your head.  You might stumble upon this blog post and yell out, "For the love of Sweet Baby Jebus, why?" 

Gopher football spring practices have started and we could be talking football.  We can't describe about what happens during those practices though except maybe in the vaguest of terms or the golden gestapo may come for us.  So, we're stuck with baseball.  There's only 157 games left!




Honoring the proud heritage of Native Americans.

 Did you know the Indians finished in 2nd place in the AL Central?  (80-82)  In a poopy division, they were the second least poopy.  A number of their core players are on the young side too, so the future for Cleveland is not one of doom and gloom.  They have an outside chance of getting to their first winning season since 2007.

Key Additions: Derek Lowe SP, Casey Kotchman 1B, Jose Lopez 2B/3B, Kevin Slowey SP, Dan Wheeler RP, Aaron Cunningham OF

Key Subtractions: Austin Kearns OF, Jensen Lewis SP, Mitch Talbot SP


It must be spring because Grady Sizemore is having another surgery.  The roided up husk of Travis Hafner is still in the lineup though.  At this point in his career he's a replacement level player at best though.  It's funny how all of these steroid era guys start breaking down when they get into their 30s, isn't it?



Travis Hafner as a normal sized human.


If you've read this far, congrat!  I stopped half-way through this blog post and left it for a week because I was bored too.  The Twins whinefest is next, so stay tuned.

Lineup:

1. Michael Brantley CF
2. Jason Kipnis 2B
3. Shin-Shoo Choo RF
4. Carlos Santana C
5. Travis Hafner DH
6. Asdrubal Cabrera SS
7. Shelley Duncan LF
8. Casey Kotchman 1B
9. Jack Hannahan 3B

Rotation:

Justin Masterson
Ubaldo Jimenez
Derek Lowe
Josh Tomlin
Jeanmar Gomez

Close: Chris Perez

#RIPGT51

Tragic news. There's not much more to say. Thoughts go out to his family, friends and teammates. Thanks, GT.