Friday, October 21, 2011

Zombie Bronko Nagurski vs. Nebraska Cornhuskers

Nebraska Cornhuskers, welcome to the B1G.  I hope you're enjoying yourselves thus far.  You and your hordes of fans will have some decent weather this weekend in Minnesota.  It will be perfect for tailgating and stomping the ever-loving shit out of the Gophers.  If you haven't noticed, the Gophers have a lot of problems.  However, like any program, you have some problems too Huskers.  In this preview article, I'll "analyze" Huskers problems compared to Gopher problems.

Gopher problem:  Deciding whether to go through the farce of supporting a team that you know will get destroyed this Saturday or to sell your tickets and sit at home in a dark room and drink whisky from the bottle.  Let's be honest here; the smart move is to sell and drink until you've blacked everything out clear back to Rickey Foggie.  Some of us are suckers though, so we'll show up and look at all the sea of red enjoying themselves as we drink from our flask bottle of sprite and cry.

Husker problem:  Arranging travel and acquiring tickets to get into TCF Bank Stadium.  Do you buy Gopher season tickets and just sell the rest of the games save Nebraska?  Do you buy the 3 game pack and do likewise?  Do you go through a broker or a stubhub?  This can all be expensive.  Which bar do you go to and celebrate at? Will they allow bare feet?

Dirt floor bars are best.

Gopher problem:  Do you play the young freshman QB that looks like he can become a pretty good passer or the junior 4-star recruit that has been at WR and has just a few starts at QB and see how he develops?  I say play both.  Which seems to be what is happening for the most part, so that's good I guess.

Husker problem: Will T-Magic get enough Heisman interest despite the loss to Wisconsin? Where will he end up on the all time rushing list?  Also, what's with this guy's throwing motion?  He could take some lessons from Tim Tebow.  There. I said it.

Gopher problem:  Getting a 4 star recruit to come and play football.  When they do actually show up we don't know where to play them and then they actually don't play all that well.  According to the Gophers have two 4 star commits (OG Isaac Hayes and WR Jamel Harbison)  and seven more considering although I can't imagine why.

Husker problem:  What do we do with all of these 4 star recruits?  I guess we could red-shirt some of them. The Huskers have 2 commits as well and another 25 or so considering.  25 just makes me shake my head.

Can't wait for Isaac Hayes!

Zombie Bronko Rating: 4

This team laid a stinker against Wisconsin and had issues with Ohio State, but they're still damn good.  I toyed with a 3.5 rating considering Crick is out and the defense is hurting, but I kind of love Taylor Martinez and their offensive line seems to be getting it together.  Gopher tackling will be at a premium and they don't really like to do that so much. Four Zombie Bronko Nagurskis would turn the BIG RED into...well, they'd still be red I guess.

Zombie-Star Trek-Husker

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