#TITTY

Sorry, guys, I haven't pivoted to an all-porn theme, despite the somewhat racy title of the post. I'm not completely ruling out the idea in the future, though, so if there's interest, I'll start putting advertisements on Craigslist and we can make some smut money.

Nay, the title of this post refers to some t-shirts I made two years ago that a few of the Gopher faithful bought and still wear from time to time. The shirts were maroon, with a large, gold picture of the state of Minnesota on them with the caption underneath "This is totally the year." This, of course, shifts well into acronym mode, where it spells TITTY, which, classy gentleman that I am, featured as a hashtag on the back of the shirt.



They were made just prior to the 2015 season and our juices were flowing. We had won eight games each of the last two seasons and in 2014 finished with a winning B1G for the first time since Jesus died. We'd come off a New Year's Day bowl game and the sky was the effing limit. So, hey, I thought, let's make some shirts for my friends and enjoy our ride to Pasadena in style. Halcyon days indeed.

Of course, that season turned into an unmitigated diaper fire as we squeaked through the non-con 3-1, with the only loss to #2 TCU (but, Jebus, did we look like shiiii-iiiit against Kent State), lost Kill forever and had that abortion of the end of the Michigan game where I thought we won, started crying, then watched time tick away and started crying for a different reason (I was dressed as a Yeti, though, which I still celebrate to this day, even if the white paint streaked down my face due to the weeping). The only redeeming factor from the season was a bowl win (holla Detroit) that we were awarded due to good academic standing. Huzzah.

At any rate, I vowed to never make the t-shirts again. They were a curse. BUT, I never put a date on them, so they can be worn with pride at the start of every season as this year could possibly be the year. So let's build a case why TITTY:

1. We made it through the non-conference looking better every game. I was deeply concerned after the Buffalo game that we were looking at a 4-5 win season. But the squad recovered nicely against the Beavs and turned MTSU into a fine blue mist (/whistles they were missing their two best players, but this is like a grand jury where the other side doesn't get to present their arguments). Word is we also kept things pretty basic bitch on offense and defense, so there may be a lot of powder dry once we enter conference play.

2. We only have catastrophic depth concerns at four positions: OL, CB, DE and QB. While that might sound really, really bad, it's been a lot worse.We're going to need some luck from Cthulu, God of Pain and Health, so the starters can stay healthy, but, hell, we're due for some good luck. We're ridic deep at DT, LB and RB, which we all know is where the game is won anyway, so, as I always say, dicks out for Harambe.

3. I mean, there's not a guaranteed, loss on the schedule. Michigan will be a heavy lift, but they haven't looked invincible - we'll just need to have a more balanced offensive approach than we've seen in non-con. Wisconsin is our bugaboo, as is Iowa at Kinnick, but we might, cough, be Wisconsin's toughest game this year and, uh, I guess we're due to win one at Kinnick? THEY'RE JUST MEN THEY BLEED LIKE US or something.

4. The B1G as a whole looks pretty weak this season, so we'll win some games. Our biggest issue in getting to the B1GCG is Wisconsin's schedule, where they more or less play a team of six drone bees every week, meaning they'll likely finish with no or one loss. We'll have to beat them (THEY'RE JUST REGULAR MEN) to have a prayer and only lose one game along the way. But we're due. We're due.

So there's the case for TITTY 2017 edition. In reviewing it, it doesn't exactly light my soul on fire with excitement - there's a lot of "yeahbutifthishappens" all of which will have to go our way to get to the 'Dena.

Hell, I'm full on believe train right now though. We ain't lost yet, son! Don those shirts with pride as long as you can, before we have to stow them away for 2018.