What the deuce is happening with this recruiting cycle? I'm not much of a recruitnik, but I know enough to know that, like Toweliee, I have no idea what's going on right now. We've got about 15 TE/H-back prospects currently committed, a bunch of dudes who are not ranked by the esteemed recruiting services and now, two weeks before NSD, appear to be going after receivers like we're abandoning the idea of an offensive line and rolling with ten receiver sets. Maybe it'll be a revelation like the toaster or forward pass. After 45 years of shitting our mess kits, why not give it a shot?
It's okay, Toweliee. No one knows what's going on.
The attitude on the Gopher webz is predictably schizoid. On the one hand, peeps are convinced the team is doomed and, regardless of Kill's coaching acumen, we'll never be competitive with a bunch of Western Michigan rejects. Alternatively, we should all relax because Kill is the greatest developer of talent since Fillmore Slim, recruiting services and BCS offers be damned.
So which hyperbolic viewpoint is closer to the truth? Beats me. There's certainly merit to the argument that higher-rated recruits have a positive correlation with joy in the W column, though I think it's overblown, to some extent (MV over at FBT did some of his sorcery to define the R-squared value, or the amount of variability in W/L that can be attributed to recruiting rankings, but I'm too lazy to find the link). Conversely, it'd be tough to win many games with drunk tubs of margarine like TRE and me, regardless of the strength of Kill's talent development regimen. It just doesn't look like we're getting guys who are coveted by the other AQ conferences.
So, what to do? I'm not stressing too much since there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. We've been latched to the hind teat of the B1G for my entire life, so what's another few throwaway years if Kill's recruiting is as appealing as Bert motorboating Barry's supple moobs. Regardless, the next two weeks should be interesting. I'll openly weep if a certain local WR chooses UCLA over us, even though I know it's coming. I won't apologize for my telekinetic rage when the pig's blood falls from the rafters onto my prom dress, you guys.
Okay, so the season already started, but I'm calling it a preview anyway. I know you guys will bombard the comments section with complaints about this, but tough titties. We have some long winter months ahead, and while the Gophers are taking their lumps in Big Ten play, why not watch the Timberwolves from time to time. I know you're bitter towards them, but the time to climb aboard the bandwagon is now! They've been in every game this year and have won the last two.
Adelman cracks me up in this pic
Here's my run down of the Wolves' roster this year.
Starting Lineup
Really need Luke to go back to this hairstyle.
PG Luke Ridnour Key Stat 4th in NBA with 44% from 3 point range in 10-11. Salary $3.7MM - signed through 13-14
Ridnour appears to be the man Wolves fans love to hate and it's going to get even worse for him this year as the Rubio hype continues to grow. Ridnour is a quality veteran that has good percentages, makes few mistakes and carries a palatable salary. Rubio's development is a wild-card, but I'd expect Ridnour to start at the point all year and for Rubio and Barea to continue to come off of the bench. This doesn't mean that Ridnour will consistently get the most minutes at the point though.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
SG Wes Johnson Key Stat Wolves rookie record 103 three-pointers in 10-11. Salary $4MM - team option for 13-14
Wes was a major force at Syracuse; mainly as a slasher type that ran the floor at break-neck speeds. In his rookie year with the Wolves he seemed to convert to more of a spot-up shooter type. As the year went on, he seemed to get better in that role, but I think he's being under-utilized if that's all he's doing. With Adelman in, we have less triangle and more wide open play. With Rubio/Barea/Ridnour the plan clearly is to run. Wes should get on a wing and get some dunks. Last year, Wes shot 39.7% and 35.8% from 3. What they need most from Wes is the ability to play solid defense. As scrappy as Barea is, there will be plenty of 2s he just cannot guard due to his size. Wes shows flashes of good D, but needs consistency here.
Oops, God's Son left weed on the table.
SF Michael Beasley Key Stat 4.4 points per game increase in first year with Wolves. Salary $6.3MM - signed through this year, qualifying offer for 12-13
The good thing about Beasley is he's one of the few Wolves that can create his own shot. He can get a shot off pretty much at will. The bad thing is he's a little mopey, shoots too much, plays no D and loves the Mary Jane. Another scary thing is Beasley/Love/Randolph all have the same agent and are all looking for extensions. At $6-7MM Beasley has value. I'm not so sure he does at $10MM per year; especially when you have a lot of redundant skills/position with rookie Derrick Williams.
Kevin Love lost weight this summer; part of it thanks to beach volleyball!
PF Kevin Love Key Stat first player to average at least 20 points and 15 rebounds in a season since Moses Malone in 82-83 Salary $4.6MM - signed through this year, qualifying offer for 12-13
Kevin was a beast last year. He didn't rest in the off-season either. He worked out like that Jillian Michaels psycho was screaming in his ear all off-season. He's almost scary-in shape, but it hasn't stopped him from banging underneath like John Holmes in the first four games.
Uh....
C Darko Milicic Key Stat 2.0 blocks in 24 minutes per game Salary $4.8MM - signed through 13-14
Everyone hates Darko, but he has an ok-ish contract and provides something that no one else on the team can. Namely, post defense and shot blocking. Flattening Kendrick Perkins in the first game is the type of borderline crazy, Serbian war-lord we need to see inside. They only need him for about 20 minutes a game and he can blast out his 6 fouls in that time for all I care.
Reserves
Who
SF/PF Derrick Williams Key Stat: 56% from 3 at Arizona last year.
Salary $4.6MM - team option in 13-14 and 14-15
When Derrick Williams was drafted, I was torn. There's no doubt he was one of the best available in the draft and he had a massive season at Arizona. I was concerned about the similarities between him and Beasley. They're both a little slow to be a 3 and a little undersized to play the 4. Derrick will need to be able to hit the NBA three with consistency. His key stat is that he did shoot 56% from 3 last year. Now he needs to be able to step back three feet and do the same in the NBA. He's having early struggles with the 3 early on this season, but I've seen him be very active on both offensive and defensive rebounding. Although undersized, he's very nifty around the rim; using solid footwork and a variety of finishes with both hands.
I no look-a when I make-a the pass. /rubiovoice
PG Ricky Rubio Key Stat: FG 39.2%, 3PT 22.4% last year at Barcelona Salary $3.5MM - team option in 13-14 and 14-15
You can't say enough about Ricky Rubio right now. He's come flying out of the gates in amazing fashion with his slick ball-handling, high tempo, finishing and even some jumpers. The key stat for Rubio that everyone loves to point out is how poorly he shot for Barca last year. Being the uber-dork that I am I watched a few of those games and I came away thinking the jumper wasn't that bad. I don't think most people realize that was over 20 games where he went 20 for 51 from the field. He split time there with former Memphis Grizzly Juan Carlos Navarro. He hasn't been perfect, he makes some boneheaded mistakes out there that hopefully he'll learn from as he develops, but despite that he generally flat out makes everyone play harder and look better around him. I have a bet with Jeff in California that Rubio will shot at least 40% from the field this year. So far, so good!
WTF?
PG J.J. Barea Key Stat 9.5ppg last year with Mavericks Salary $4.3MM - signed through 14-15
Barea is one of the elder statesmen on the team at 27 years old. He's a bulldog that annoys opposing players with his in-your-underpants defense. He's slippery like Jonny Flynn wants to be when he drives the lane; and he's a very good 3 point shooter that can rain them in bunches. He's battling through a bit of a hamstring issue right now, but the times where he's been feeling good, he looks very nice out there.
This is the only time I've seen Anthony smile.
PF Anthony Randolph Key Stat 4th NBA in pouty looks last year. Salary $2.9MM - signed through this year, qualifying offer for 12-13
Mensa isn't calling Anthony any time soon. He has a lot of talent, but not a lot of brains. Adelman, to his credit, is finding the guy playing time right now in the hopes that he'll learn through experience. This is a big year for Anthony, who hopes to prove that he's worth of some kind of contract extension. He rebounds, he blocks shots, he's very aggressive, he commits silly fouls, he goaltends, he turns the ball over.
PF/C Anthony Tolliver Key Stat 40.9% from 3 last year, high socks Salary $2MM - signed through this season only
Tolliver is earning a lot of playing time right now. He's on of the guys on the bench that can come in and give you some scrap on defense and maybe knock down a 3 hear and there. He has the stiff white man's game in a black man's body. You have to love Anthony. By the way, he's also the team's player rep in the union.
SF Martell Webster Key Stat Played 82 games in 09-10 Salary $5.3MM - team option for 12-13
Martell is perpetually injured. He's got the back of a 350lb construction worker it seems. When healthy, he's useful. Another guy that can shoot and play a little D. I wouldn't be surprised to see him steal some Wes minutes if Wes remains in the dog-house if/when he's back.
PEK!
C Nikola Pekovic
Key Stat Salary $4.3MM - signed through 12-13
Pek is a burly pick-and-rolling center that doesn't see any time right now. He has a nice prison tat on his shoulder with a dude and a bunch of skulls and usually is sporting a beard. If Darko were to go down he would ably step in as the resident thug/banger guy, without the shot blocking.
Amanda Altschuler FTW
SG Wayne Ellington Key Stat 9.3ppg in 8 starts last year Salary $1.1MM - signed through 12-13, qualifying offer in 14-15
Wayne seems to do stuff when he gets the chance. He got a start already this year with Wes struggling and he did very well. I'm impressed by how Ellington has worked on his game and as long as his contract is really cheap, he's useful on the bench.
Check out the big braids on Brad.
C Brad Miller Key Stat All-Star in 03 and 04, sweet headband Salary $4.7MM - signed through 12-13
Bradis in the twilight of his career and was a part of the Flynn trade. He's owed a chunk of change this year and next. He's still a good passer and has good size, so he might give a few minutes at center when he comes back in February.
You're going to have to put that hat all of the way on here in MN.
SG Malcom Lee Key Stat 13.1ppg at UCLA last year Salary 3 year deal through 13/14, couldn't find salary
Lee was a second round pick this year from UCLA. At 6'5", he's supposed to be able to play and defend both the point and shooting guard positions. He's raw, and is a cheap stab at a defensive stopper type. Of course, early media reports are all about how wonderful he is, but we'll have to wait and see.
After the Gopher foots season I was able to take all of the ad money from this site to take quite a nice vacation (to the bar). I really enjoyed myself (4 drinks) and I have you guys and gals to thank for it. (cheapskates) However, now it's back to the grind (one or two posts a week). I look forward to your comments (mom and DownwithGoldy.com), and I hope this long (so long) and cold (freezing) winter can be a little less painful (pistol in mouth) with the occasional (maybe once a week) post from your friends at StillGotHope.com.
Gopher Hoops
The Gophers have been enjoying a Glen Mason-esque pre-Big 10 schedule as they find their way without everyone's favorite man-beast, Trevor Mbakwe. Without Mbakwe, it seems that this year's Gopher squad is a mid-table product. However, there are a lot of things to like and to watch develop this year. Right now, not including Mbakwe, there are nearly 11 players getting at least 10 minutes per game (Coleman and Ingram are just short, but it looks like they'll get there)
Here are one dope's thoughts on some of the players:
Rodney Williams is a beast when he can hang around the basket and not think. Last year, you could literally see the hamster running in Rodney's head as he stood on the wing and Hoffarber tried to will him in with his mind to break towards the hoop. Is he going to get knocked around inside during B1G play? Sure, he is. He's also going to attack the rim for rebounds and get to the foul line as he flops to the ground like a speared carp. 61% from the field and nearly two blocks and two rebounds a game is sick like Scott Weiland's Christmas Album.
Andre Hollins is finding his 3 point stroke (9-21). Plus, he has Dre Hollins on the back of his jersey; which rules of course. This kid is a freshman and the early returns are impressive I think.
Chip Armelin has made at least two or three good plays for every dopey play he makes. I've both cursed and praised him on twitter. The sophomore is ACTIVE though and I like his motor off of the bench.
That being said, neither Armelin nor Maverick Ahanmisi can shoot a three. They're a combined 7-33. (vomit)
Julian Welch is pretty awesome. He's scored at least 15 and had at least 4 assists in four of the last 5 games. There's some funny math in there, but just go with it. He's brought some leadership at the PG position that was sorely needed. Suck it, Cobbs.
Elliott Eliason is a 6'11" gangly white man with floppy hair. However, the freshman has provided a toughness and scrappiocity that is much needed. He has a Colton Iverson-like ability to get tagged with the foul, but he's often in the right spot, gets rebounds and can catch the basketball. Like Colton, Tubby will have a short leash for better or worse and Elliott needs to be able to roll with the punches and keep providing energy.
Dan Coleman's brother is a freshman that's earning himself more minutes as is Andre Ingram; who provides some toughness. I'd like to see more of both.
"This will get me more drugs, right guys?"
Hell on Wheels
This show is pretty awesome. It's on AMC and it is about the creation of the transcontinental railroad. It has Colm Meaney (Doc Durant) who channels his role in Last of the Mohicans as native-american-hater-guy that will stop at nothing to get rich off of this railroad. Anson Mount plays Cullen Bohanon a former confederate soldier that used to own slaves. He's hell bent on avenging the death of his wife and he's channeling Clint Eastwood in High Plains Drifter. He shoots whisky and bad guys and throws down against former slave Common in bare knuckle fisticuffs. Good stuff.
There's Natives for Jesus, preachers with agendas, a big crazy Norwegian called "The Swede" and whores with face tattoos. I highly recommend it.
Josh Willingham
Sounds like it's about a done deal for Josh Willingham to the tune of 3 years, $21 million. This is a decent price for Willingham and as mentioned in my last Twins post I'm glad they sprung for him. I still think the right move is to still acquire Cuddyer or Kubel and finalize that trade with the Nationals for Storen. Right now I believe the lineups is something to the tune of:
Span CF
Carroll SS
Mauer C
Willingham LF
Morneau 1B
Ryan Doumit DH
Valencia 3B
Casilla 2B
Revere RF
Still a little light on the pop, right? Also, it's more preferable that Doumit rotate between catcher, 1B and maybe a little RF than DH. Otherwise we have to see the Butera experiment again and it burns the eyes.
Butera
JJ Barea
The Wolves love to give 4 year deals to third tier PGs and Barea is no exception. (4/$19MM) JJ is a great fit because he and Rubio can speak spanglish in the back court and not defend anyone together. Some might say this opens up the opportunity to move Ridnour, but I think they'll hang on to both JJ and Luke for the time being. Not to mention I don't think you get much more than a 2nd round pick for Luke Ridnour at this point. JJ can get hot and shoot the lights out and I like that. Ridnour can do that at times as well, so maybe it's a hot hand situation. With the Barea signing, it sounds like the Wolves are set. Here's my drunken depth chart:
PG: Ridnour, Rubio, Barea
SG: W. Johnson, Barea, Ellington, M. Lee
SF: Beasley, Derrick Williams, Dead Martell Webster, M. Lee
PF: Kevin Love, D-Will, A. Randolph, A. Tolliver
C: Darko, A. Randolph, B. Miller (in Jan), Tolliver
I know you guys all don't give a rip about my baseball thoughts. BUT I HAVE OPINIONS THAT NEED TO BE EXPRESSED.
Twins Signings - Carroll and Doumit
The Twins added veteran Jamey Carroll to the middle infield mix with a two-year, $6.75MM deal. There is a mutual option for 2014 that is vested if Carroll has over 400 plate appearances in 2013. Carroll is a nice bat to put in the #2 spot in a lineup. He can hit for average (.278 career) and he knows how to take a walk (.359 career OBP). He'll be 38 in 2012, so he might be too tired for a lot of night games which is problematic. The early word is that he'll be playing shortstop. At shortstop he has NO range, but a pretty solid glove. Sort of in the Derek Jeter mold; so maybe he'll get a bunch of undeserved gold gloves? It would suck to keep jerking around Casilla, but I think he'd be better at SS with Carroll at 2B where he's played the overwhelming majority of his career. (554 games at 2B, 224 at SS, 225 at 3B - Don't do it, Gardy!)
This is a good move because middle infielders in today's MLB are garbage. With Casilla and Carroll in the MI, you have two above league average players. Think about that for a minute. Meanwhile, 24 year old shortstop Brian Dozier ripped up high A and AA last year and played well in the Arizona Fall League (296/358/454). You have to think there's a chance he gets a shot at starting shortstop in 2013 and maybe a September call up in 2012.
Can't we play games at 5am?
Ryan Doumit is also a good signing. You may recall back on 9/28 I listed Doumit in the Poo Poo Platter of catching options the Twins should explore. The Twins landed him for an incentive-laden one year deal with a $3MM base salary.
Doumit isn't the best defensive catcher in the world. He also gets injured quite a bit, so he should fit in well in the clubhouse. No one likes the guy that never misses a day of work, right? And as a bonus, Doumit also can play 1B and RF at a below average level. So, what does Doumit do well? The guy can hit. He only managed 236 PAs last year, but posted a very nice 303/353/477 line. That's a little bit above his career number, but the bottom line is he's not going to hit .200 like Butera and he's going to give you a little pop too. Doumit should allow Mauer and Morneau some days where they just DH or even take the day off.
Plus, POWERBEARD™
Joe Nathan to Texas
Speaking of old guys; Nathan signed a two-year, 14.75MM contract with the Texas Rangers. History has shown that almost all multi-year free agent deals for relievers don't pay off, let alone a deal for a 37 year old pitcher that lost 2 mph on his fastball after having Tommy John surgery in 2010. Nathan one among the best in the league when he was healthy, I just don't think he'll ever get back to that level. And for the Rangers, who are finally moving Neftali Feliz into the starting rotation, Mike Adams would be a better choice to close. He's like a spring chicken at 33 years old! Best of luck to Joe, but the Twins dodged a bullet here.
Cuddyer and Kubel and Capps, Oh my!
With the Type A free agent change, the team that signs Cuddyer no longer gives up their first round pick to do so. Now the Twins would receive a bonus pick in front of the signing team in the first round in addition to the sandwich pick between the first and second rounds. Regardless, Terry Ryan did offer arbitration to both Cuddyer and Kubel. Cuddyer has had a lot of interest from other teams, especially from the Phillies. However, the Phillies recently traded for Ty Wigginton who has some of the same features that Cuddyer does. Namely, they both can play a few positions and hit a little bit. Wigginton isn't quite the hitter that Cuddyer is, but Wiggy can play 3B, which is a need for the Phils. With the Phillies likely out, the Twins' chances of getting Cuddy back improve greatly. The Red Sox are rumored to be interested in Cuddyer as well though. The Orioles also have interest it seems. I'd like the Twins to get Cuddyer back, but if it's a 4 year, $40MM type deal I'd just assume avoid him and chase Josh Willingham instead.
Kubel doesn't seem to be garnering as much interest from teams as of yet. I've read a rumor about the Indians being interested, but the did bring back Sizemore and they are lefty heavy in the lineup. Last year the Red Sox put in a claim for Kubel before the Twins pulled him back; so there's potentially some interest there.
Ideally, the Twins get one of Kubel/Cuddyer back. They need all of the power they can get. As mentioned, I'd also like to see them pursue Josh Willingham. Rumors of a deal involving Denard Span for Drew Storen interest me as I'm not excited about a lineup that starts both Span and Revere in the outfield. They'd be about as potent as my dog (neutered) with Span, Revere, Casilla, Carroll and Mauer all in the lineup hitting less than 10 homeruns.
Josh and Ginger Willingham!
Justin Verlander, MVP
Ugh. The hype-machine for Verlander's MVP candidacy (starting with Verlander speaking on behalf of himself) really did the job. I'm not one of those guys that says a starting pitcher can't be MVP, but here's the only scenario where I think a pitcher deserves consideration. It would have to be a season where hitting is down (like this year), and there are no real stand-outs among position players (not like this year) and a pitcher is head and shoulders above all others in the league (could definitely be said for Verlander).
The 2011 AL league average for batting was .258 and the OPS was .730, which is down from 2010 ("The Year of the Pitcher"). The last time the AL average was lower than that was strike shortened 1981. The last full season was 1976. So, in the lowest hitting year in 30+ years, we had some real stand-out seasons for some position players.
In 1976, the highest OPS (On Base Pct + Slugging Pct) was Hal McRae with an .868 mark. (Shout out to Rod Carew for 2nd place with .858) McRae hit .332 with 8 homeruns and 73 RBI. McRae finished 4th in MVP behind Thurman Munson, George Brett and Mickey Rivers. Twins starter Bill Campbell was the highest finisher among pitchers at 8th.
In 1981, Dwight Evans posted a .937 OPS with 22 homers and a .296 average in only 108 games. Evans finished 3rd in MVP voting behind Rollie Fingers and Rickey Henderson. Only Bobby Grich had an OPS over .900 with Evans that year.
Here are the OPS leaders from 2011 in the American League:
To me, the MVP voting should have been a three horse race between Bautista, Cabrera and Ellsbury (taking into account his excellent D in center-field and epic stolen base total). Josh Hamilton won the MVP in 2010 with a 1.044 OPS for further comparison. You might say, well no one as lights-out as Verlander was in 2010. I would then submit you the following comparison: Felix Hernandez.
IP
Verlander: 251
Hernandez: 249.2
ERA
Verlander: 2.40 (170 ERA+)
Hernandez: 2.27 (174 ERA+)
Strikeouts
Verlander: 250
Fernandez: 232
WHIP
Verlander: 0.920
Fernandez: 1.057
Pretty close, right? Well, Fernandez finished 16th in MVP voting. Verlander apparently gets a big boost from his record (24-4) which is the least telling of his impressive 2011 statistics. Poor Felix played on a crappy Mariners team and went 13-12.
It looks like it may be time for me to lump MVP awards in with All-Star game appearances and Gold Gloves; awards that given for all of the wrong reasons.
6:45am - Load truck up for tailgating. Come to the realization that I did not buy shot making materials. Go to liquor cabinet and pour 1/2 bottle of Pendleton Whiskey, 1/2 bottle of Phillip's Blackberry Brandy and about 5 shots worth of El Jimador tequila into the shot jug. Make mental note to stop at store for mixers.
7:15am - Finished loading truck, Swansley is here, we're rolling. Stop at store for OJ, Diet Mountain Dew and Sugar Free Red Bull because I'm watching my figure.
7:45am - Almost to tailgate lot, but I get a phone call from my brother requesting a ride. We turn around to go get him. Wah wah.
8:30am - At the lot. Either we're the dumbest people on earth, or these canopies that we keep buying and subsequently breaking because we can't get them to go up are absolute pieces of crap. We got it up but it doesn't look right. If we were architects we'd be fucking fired. This time we bought the extra warranty though so I won't feel bad when we snap it in half next week.
9:00am - The shots are great. I'm convinced you can add orange juice and soda to turpentine and it would make a decent shot. "Why are my kidneys malfunctioning? Who cares, more shots!"
12:00pm - Oops, 3 hours are gone. Call comes in from my internet friend, Matt. He's a Badger fan, so I plan on getting him drunk and stealing his wallet. Our new friends from North Dakota (but still Gopher fans) are there too: Goatee, Beardy, Beardy2 and Short guy (Adam?). They're all younger than us and haven't had the light in their eyes dim due to multiple Gopher football humiliations.
:-(
12:10pm - I put the cornhole game on hold to the ire of TREbro and friends to do shots with my internet friend. This is totally against the cornhole code and I know it. iMatt proceeds to do a series of beer chugs with Beardy2. Swansley has videos, maybe I can talk him to add them in, but right now I question his commitment to Sparkle Motion.
2:00pm - Beer: Gone. Shot jug thing: Empty. Beer slams with iMatt vs. Beardy2 is a 2-2 tie. Time to head to the game.
?:??pm - ???? There's a game in here somewhere...it doesn't go well. I do remember we stayed for the whole thing. iMatt complained about no beer being available and said he misses the Metrodome.
7:00pm - At a bar downtown...Brothers maybe? iMatt is with me. I've lost everyone else. Oh, and I also got to drink with iMatt's friends: former Gopher Jon Michals and his brother Bobby. Great guys, I hope they enjoyed my talking monkey act. I remember talking with them quite a bit, but I could tell you a single thing we discussed. I think Jon may be in real estate...if so, buy houses from him here http://www.jonmichals.com/. I bet he'll tackle you in your new home's yard for free after closing!
8:??pm - I look to my right and iMatt is gone. He left his wallet at the bar and wandered off. I go outside and ask the security at the door if "a guy with a red sweatshirt went this way". Genius. I go back to the bar and give the wallet to iMatt's friends (I think?) and I call a cab. $65 dollar cab ride later I'm home.
This could have happened and I wouldn't have known.
Hate week continues with some important facts you should know about Wisconsin.
FACT: The female badger is called a sow.
This is apropos considering the female population of Wisconsin is, well, large. Consider the following evidence:
Female American Badger (Sow)
OK, so finding the big ones on the internet was tough. The one on the right has a dumb purse though.
FACT: Iowa Grad/Wisconsin HC Bret Bielema has a "tiger hawk" tattoo on his leg.
So, dude goes to Iowa (hate), gets leg tat (lame) of hawkey (hate) and then goes on to be the HC of Wisconsin (hate)? Bielema might be the AntiGopher™.
Badass tat, broski.
Go Badgers? Brandi Bielema: Hey girl!
Bonus pic of Bielemas for obvious reasons.
FACT: The state seal of Wisconsin is dumb.
There is just too much going on here. Horn o plenty? Got it. Dude in a sailor outfit? Got it. Anchor? Yep. Pick-axe? Of course. Gun? NO! You know who's seal has a gun? F'n Minnesota, that's who.
Crap-fest
"Hey friend, coming to the harvest dinner? Don't make me pick up my musket, bro."
FACT: Ed Gein and Jeffrey Dahmer were from Wisconsin.
Two of the most disgusting human beings to walk the earth made Wisconsin their home. These serial killers both collected human body parts and made things out of human skin. You poor bastards are so bored out of your mind that you put penii in jars for safekeeping. Not cool, dudes.
FACT: Dahmer tattoo guy is a Badger fan.
FACT: "On Wisconsin" was originally written for the University of Minnesota.
That's right, your school's fight song was meant to be submitted to Minnesota as "Minnesota, Minnesota" by William T. Purdy. Even more messed up is a modified version of that song is your state song! Talk about swinging from our coattails, sheesh. Be sure and let us know if you need any more cool shit to use as everlasting symbols of your state.
'Sup, y'all? So, we didn't get too into Hate Week for the Iowa game on account of the festering wound that had been the season up until that point. Our swagger was gone and, if our hurt pride had manifested itself physically as an open sore, it would have been ejecting a cheesy discharge, fasho. But, now that we've dispatched with the Wall Drug of college football and played competitively against #15 Michigan State in East Lansing, we're ready to commence with Hate Week - Eastern Edition: DIAF Wisconsin.
Some Chinese philosopher once said something about the importance of knowing your opponent so you can beat him, or something. So, before we dive headfirst into the true Hate Week activities, here is a very brief history of DIAF Wisconsin.
For the entire history of their football program, the Badgers have been in the upper echelon of the B1G. Beginning with a 10-1-1 record in their inaugural season, one in which they beat UCLA in the Rose Bowl, DIAF Wisconsin has been an annual contender for the B1G championship. Compiling a remarkable .691 winning percentage in their 18-year history, they rank ninth overall in all-time win percentage according to Stassen. Despite their success, they have yet to record an official national championship; though this can be better understood when recognizing DIAF Wisconsin is the newest BCS-conference team by a significant margin.
Their dominance in the B1G is reflected in their record against our Gophers, as the Badgers hold a 14-4 lifetime record against our beloved rodents. Please click on the attached Excel sheet below for a year-by-year breakdown of the Gopher/Badger meetings.
For Gopher supporters, it is difficult to comprehend the success of such a young program. We have wandered in the desert for 50 years, cycling through one imbecile coach after another, while this upstart team to our east finds paydirt with their first coaching hire, in the great Barry Alverez. We are left to do little but hope: hope that we can enjoy the 18-year run of success seen from this adolescent and hope we can muster the strength to derail them from their destiny of this year's national championship
8.42 Arrived. I overslept this morning, so we've already lost 12 minutes of valuable time to poison ourselves with alcohol to avoid this debacle
9.20 No frying pan. No Red Bull. Day is pretty much ruined, apparently. Got the canopy up though, after a solid 15 minutes of flailing about.
10.16 JoeDirt from GopherHole gave us the hookup with a hot plate so we could cook teh eggs. He is the only positive to ever come off of GopherHole. Bless him.
10.58 TRE sleep wasted, already. Will get a pic when he closes his eyes in fractional pass out mode. Just hoping for no puke volcano, for me myself.
11.31 Fat Iowa chicks playing bags with Garrity 2.0 next to us. Hope he dies in flames too.
12.06 Got that pic of sleepy TRE.
12.33 Was told I was too subdued last game to the point where security wondered what was up. Need to explain to Iceman Security that puke volcano happened later. He'd dig those bold puke flavors, you guys.
12.57 Still no Red Bull. Day is ruined.
1.41 Subdued here at SPTG. Siblings discussing how one should be getting drunker, while the other argues he's getting drunk just fine. Brotherly love, you know?
1.53 Packing up while Brother 2 does 12 consecutive shot of watery orange juice and a remnant of vodka. Pretty epic, though.
2.22 At the stadium before game starts. First time for everything.
2.44 Christyn Lewis. Eff. Surrounded by Iowa fans, btw.
3.01 Defense decent. Hope for today?
3.14 scoreless after 1. Offense down 152-55. Somehow still nil-nil.
3.49 DCT may be a man. A 60-yard man.
3.52 Well holy shit. Tied. At teh half.
4.05 Iceman with the brownies. Thanks, Iceman!
4.26 Reverse burn. Well, it was a run.
4.36 Cops in our section, not talking to me. That's a win. Some clown is mocking the cheerleaders and Herky. What sort of chowderhead rips the opposing team's mascot?
4.40 Didn't get booted, turned around and yelled "it was for being too cool!"
4.49 Guy back to standing and jawjacking with security. Chants of "Let's get kicked out!" commence.
5.03 Dude finally got booted for pointing at his crotch and yelling at Herky to suck his dick. Respect.
5.05 Oh, and were facing an insurmountable lead, down 11. Fucking rad.
5.22 Wow. Scored a TD and then got a sweet onside kick. Holy eff.
5.26 Fuck fuck fuck.
5.47 TD. Gray. THE RUN 2. And since it won't last....
