Friday, September 16, 2011

Zombie Bronko Nagurski vs. Miami Red Hawks

Early in 1933, wrestler Tony Stecher, who managed his wrestler brother Joe, convinced Bronko Nagurski to try professional wrestling. Nagurski made his debut in February and took only four minutes to pin his opponent, Tag Tagerson. Tony Stecher became his manager, and Nagurski began wrestling regularly, sometimes even during the football season.

This week's opponent is the Red Hawks of Miami No, not the fun place in Florida with the beaches and clubs. This place:

Which way to the beach?

Going into this week I was aware of two things Miami Ohio related. First, current quarterback Zac Dysert played as a freshman and did pretty well in spot start situations for my fantasy college football team. Second, Wally Szczerbiak played there before having a mediocre career in the NBA. I thought about matching up Zombie Bronko against Zombie WallyWorld, but then my buddy Swan informed me that Wally is still alive. My bad, Wally. Given my limited knowledge, I went back to the trusty internet for my information.

I would be remiss if I didn't include a Shannon Szczerbiak Pic

Instead of a blog, I found a Red Hawk football message board: Miami Hawk Talk Here's a list of things I've learned from the board:

  • "RedSea" says the Gophers could be looking at a 0-12 or 1-11 season.
  • Several posters including "redskins4ever" have noted that they should throw a lot against the Gophers. They're on to us!
  • MrG" fancies himself an Xs and Os guy. Uses words like "weak side" and "SAM".
  • There's a lot of gnashing of teeth over the Gold-Out. Gold-out video being called "stupid". "Muhawk" questions why a gold-out for an unranked non-conference opponent. Because we can, Muhawk.
  • The "predict the score" thread has two pages of homer picks and one rebel that picked Minnesota to win. "Elpalito" points out that has the Red Hawks winning 24-21. Oh crap.
  • Sounds like the Miami Ohio offensive line is on the small side. Does this mean the Gophers can finally bust through for a sack? Holding my breath.
  • There are numerous comments about how brutal their kicker is. This is definitely a plus if this game is as close as I think it may be.
  • DL Mwanza Wamulumba is likely out for the season with a torn Achilles tendon. Not sure if this guy is any good, but that's an all-world name. Try yelling it out loud; it's fun. MWANZA WAMULUMBA!
  • "We beat Minnesota on Saturday...straight the bet is a "lock." Your farms will reap great harvests...especially with all the added land you should acquire...This line having us at +5 is as close to a lock as you can get...." I imagine this guy looks and talks like Kane from Poltergeist. Come to the light, Carol Anne.
  • The last time Miami won in the stadium of a non-conference opponent was at Colorado State (41-21) on Sept 20, 2003. Since that time, the Red Hawks have lost 14 consecutive non-conference road games. IT'S A TRAP!
Typical MiamiHawkTalk Poster

Zombie Bronko Rating

This is going to be a tough opponent for the Gophers. Dysert can throw the ball for sure. This game would be a great time for the defensive line to step up and put on some pressure. Perhaps some madcap blitzing would help. I'm giving Miami a 2.5 ZB rating. By all accounts they are a better team than last week's opponent; and I think most of us are trying to forget what happened there.

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